


Courage

by GleefulDarrenCrissFan



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Original Character Death(s), Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-10
Updated: 2017-02-04
Packaged: 2018-08-30 03:24:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 39,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8516587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GleefulDarrenCrissFan/pseuds/GleefulDarrenCrissFan
Summary: Do you believe that one moment can change the course of your life? That one event change the way you saw everything, or do you think it's a series of moments that build from one experience to the next. A year ago, I would've said that was crazy. But I'm not the same guy that I was a year ago.This last year has been a series of moments, a few in which were very unpleasant, but it all led me here; therefore I don't regret them for a minute.So what moment am I referring to?"Excuse me! Um hi. Can I ask you a question? I'm new here."Follow Blaine as he and his loved ones (and a few enemies) tell the story of how the scared young boy that just came out evolved into the handsome and polite boy we met on the staircase the day he met the love of his life.





	1. Say

**Author's Note:**

> Author's note: This is my first story. I want to warn you that this is not a Klaine story per say, as it is a pre-Klaine story. There will be a sequel, which will be Klaine, I promise. This is very slow-burn, and it tells the season one story of Blaine that we never got to see. It is very important to pay attention to the dates in this story. I update weekly, but I don't have a steady day that I post. This story will stay T rated, although there are some romance scenes.
> 
> This gets quite angsty in some places, especially in regards to the Sadie Hawkins Dance. I have posted warnings in those chapters just in case. If you don't like Blaine paired with anyone else, you may not like this story, but I try to remain true to canon. However, I do believe that there was more to the story of the friend that he went to Sadie Hawkin's dance with. Without further ado:
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of the characters affiliated with it

**Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Say**

**Author's note: This is my first story. I want to warn you that this is not a Klaine story per say, as it is a pre-Klaine story. There will be a sequel, which will be Klaine, I promise. This is very slow-burn, and it tells the season one story of Blaine that we never got to see. It is very important to pay attention to the dates in this story. I update weekly, but I don't have a steady day that I post. This story will stay T-rated, although there are some romance scenes.**

**This gets quite angsty in some places, especially in regards to the Sadie Hawkins Dance. I have posted warnings in those chapters just in case. If you don't like Blaine paired with anyone else, you may not like this story, but I try to remain true to canon. However, I do believe that there was more to the story of the friend that he went to Sadie Hawkin's dance with. Without further ado:**

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of the characters affiliated with it. I also do not own "Say," by John Mayer.

**Courage**

 

**Prologue**

 

 

**November 9, 2010**

**Blaine Anderson, Dalton Academy**

Do you believe that one moment can change the course of your life? That one event change the way you saw everything, or do you think it's a series of moments that build from one experience to the next. A year ago, I would've said that was crazy. But I'm not the same guy that I was a year ago.

This last year has been a series of moments, a few in which were very unpleasant, but it all led me here; therefore I don't regret them for a minute.

So what moment am I referring to?

"Excuse me! Um hi. Can I ask you a question? I'm new here."

"My name's Blaine," I say, extending my hand to the boy with the most angelic face I had ever seen, and those eyes were the most shade of blue I had ever seen.  He obviously wasn't new here, and I knew I had seen that face before. I was incredibly intrigued.

"Kurt." Yes, I know. I remember. "So what exactly is going on?" Sly, Kurt! I figured I'd play along. I didn't think he remembered me.

"The Warblers! Every now and then they throw an impromptu performance in the senior commons. It tends to shut the school down for a while," I said, smiling at the adorable face in front of me. That face that I had already been enamored by before.

"So, wait, the glee club here is kind of cool?" He seemed thrown off by my remark. I knew that the glee club at McKinley didn't have the same kind of status that the Warblers did here at Dalton. I'll explain that later.

"The Warblers are like rock stars." I watched his eyes light up. Wow! He was gorgeous. It was eyes. Those eyes that I had never really forgotten. "Come on. I know a short cut." I took his hand in mine. He seemed hesitant, but he obliged. As we ran down the hallway, our hands still intertwined, I felt it immediately, a connection, a spark, and I knew instantly that everything had lead up to this point. Everything in the previous year, all of it, had happened for a reason. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start at that first moment. The moment life as I knew it shifted upside down.

**Chapter 1- Say**

**September 5, 2009**

**Blaine-Anderson Residence**

When I woke up today, nothing should have been different or special. Everything about it should have been normal, except that I didn't want it to be, because each and every day I lived a lie.

Most people believed that I was happy. What did I ever have to worry about? My parents were well to do. My brother was an actor in LA and he was a local celebrity. He hadn't gotten his big break yet. He had landed a few small roles in some B movies, not credited of course, but movies nonetheless. I was a freshman in High school, not extremely popular, but I got along well with people. I was a member of the soccer team and I excelled at track. Girls were always over at my house, and I had no shortage of phone numbers slipped to me on a regular basis. I should have been happy.

Truth be told, I was miserable because I was living a big, fat lie. Although the girls' interest was flattering, nothing would ever develop with any of them. I was miserably in love with my best friend. His (yes I said his) name is Michael. I'm a freshman, and he is a sophomore. He is 5'9", with blue eyes, a masculine build, dark brown hair, and a nice smile- and he is straight. Obviously I wasn't. I was terrified of anybody finding out; I was terrified of what Michael would say. Mostly though, I was terrified of my father.

I quickly threw on some clothes and ran downstairs to the breakfast table. I grabbed a pop tart and dialed Michael's number on my cell.

"Are you coming over?"

"Yeah, did you read it, man?" He asked.

"Yes! I liked them. He's really good."

"Do you understand it?"

"Um, yes, I think, but did you just want to discuss that one?"

"Yeah, why? How many did you read?"

"All of them!" I laughed. "I told you that he was really good."

"Well, I'm almost at your house. I'll see you in a few."

"Ok man. See you soon."

Michael arrived and sat down in the family room.

"So, what does it mean?" He ran his hands through his hair. I tried not to stare.

"Well, let's start from the beginning."

**_Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,_ **

**_And sorry I could not travel both_ **

**_And be one traveler, long I stood_ **

**_And looked down one as far as I could_ **

**_To where it bent in the undergrowth;_ **

"So is he talking about real paths?"

"No, he's speaking metaphorically. Do you remember that song by Green Day, called Good Riddance? Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road."

"Yeah," replied Michael.

"Well, what is he saying?"

"He's saying that he has more than one choice to make, a big decision."

"Yes, a really hard choice, one that could change the whole course of his life. That's what this is saying. A man has come to a crossroads in his life, and he can go down two roads. He could choose the one first one, which is the one most people would choose, or he could pick the less popular choice." I read the next stanza aloud, trying desperately not to make eye contact with him.

****

**_Then took the other, as just as fair,_ **

**_And having perhaps the better claim,_ **

**_Because it was grassy and wanted wear;_ **

**_Though as for that the passing there_ **

**_Had worn them really about the same,_ **

 

"Here he decided to take the path with a little more risk, the harder one," I said.

****

**_And both that morning equally lay_ **

**_In leaves no step had trodden black._ **

**_Oh, I kept the first for another day!_ **

**_Yet knowing how way leads on to way,_ **

**_I doubted if I should ever come back._ **

****

"And once he made that choice, he kept going down that path, not really doubting his decision," I explained.

"Um, well ok. That makes sense," he replied.

****

**_I shall be telling this with a sigh_ **

**_Somewhere ages and ages hence:_ **

**_Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—_ **

**_I took the one less traveled by,_ **

**_And that has made all the difference._ **

 

_ " _ This is my favorite part. He's saying that even though he took the harder path, it really was the right choice for him. So, do you feel better about it now?"

"Yeah, thanks Blaine. You are a lifesaver."

"Anytime, Michael."

He gave me a fist bump. I looked up at him, admiring the curve of his jaw line, that gorgeous smile. I was staring. "So have you read his other poems?"

"Uh, not really,"

"Well, I have something for you." I pulled out the other book. "This one is for you. I hope you like it. I wrote you a message in the front."

Michael opened the book, read the note, and his face dropped. And he dropped the book on the table.

"Well, hey Blaine. I have to go. I'll see you at school." He turned around and walked out the door without saying another word.

****

**September 5, 2009**

**Cooper Anderson, Anderson Residence**

Poor Blaine! He looked absolutely crushed as he watched Michael bolt toward the door, pausing only to drop the book on the table. I loved my brother so much, although we were very different. He was quite a bit younger than me.

Blaine was the most amazing person I knew, but he was also the most guarded. He didn't allow most people to see past the walls that he put up. He hid it so well that the rest of our family didn't seem to notice. He didn't talk about his feelings much. Fortunately, he wore his heart on his sleeve. I could see what he was feeling written all over his face.

When I walked into the room that afternoon to see him there with Michael, I could tell something had upset Blaine. Michael had said that he loved Robert Frost's poems. That week Blaine bought two books of his work and read them all week long. Blaine told me that morning that he couldn't wait to discuss the poems with his best friend. Then he planned to give him the other copy of the book, with a heartfelt message about how Frost's words had made him think of new ideas and concepts penned in the front cover.

I saw the way he looked at Michael: his smile was a little too big to be platonic, his eyes were a little too focused on the boy's words, he stared too long and too hard, he leaned into the hug that Michael had given him, and he embraced him maybe just a little tighter than he should. Blaine had fallen hard for his good friend.

Wait, what? Blaine was gay? Could it be? Blaine enjoyed sports; he played and watched them on a regular basis. He worked out and he liked masculine TV shows. Although that boy did like musicals quite a bit and he was very picky about his appearance, especially his hair. He didn't ever talk about how attractive his female friends were; it was almost as if he just didn't notice.

Blaine was a nice looking kid. In fact, he was a chick magnet. I guess it was a mixture of his charm, compassion, and handsome appearance. I couldn't really blame the girls for being attracted to him. I was actually kind of jealous. I had no problem getting a girl interested in me, but it was keeping her that I just couldn't figure out..

I saw tears fall from his eyes. I made my way toward him and he collapsed in my arms. I held him as he sobbed.

"Blaine, it's okay," I said soothingly. " Come upstairs and talk to me, okay?"

He followed me slowly up the stairs. He couldn't look at me. Tears were still pooling in his eyes.

"Cooper, I don't know what to do. I'm tired of fighting what I'm feeling. I'm tired of fighting my emotions. I'm tired of lying to myself and everyone else. I'm afraid to say it; I'm afraid of the words escaping my lips and what everyone will think and say. I'm scared to death. Cooper, I'm…I'm, um, uh."

"You are gay, and I love you anyway because you are wonderful just the way you are," I told him calmly. He collapsed into my arms. "It doesn't make you awful, gross, or weird. If others won't see how amazing you are then they aren't really your friends. Those people don't deserve a friend as incredible as you are."

"Mom and dad will flip. Well, dad will flip." Blaine was completely a mess now.

I am not as graceful with words as Blaine, but I knew what to do. I got Blaine's Ipod out and scrolled through his songs, pressing play when I found it. His head was in his hands and he was bawling. When he collapsed to the floor, I rushed over to him and wrapped my arms around him. My heart broke right there for him. I looked straight at him as the words fell from my lips.

****

_ Take out of your wasted honor _

_ Every little past frustration _

_ Take all your so called problems _

_ Better put them in quotations _

****

_ Say what you need to say _

_ Say what you need to say _

_ Say what you need to say _

_ Say what you need to say _

_ Say what you need to say _

_ Say what you need to say _

_ Say what you need to say _

_ Say what you need to say _

****

Blaine's head slowly lifted, tears still raining from his eyelids. He just shook his head at me. He wasn't usually so fragile. I hated to see him torn apart like this. I put my arm around his shoulder.

****

_ Walkin' like a one man army _

_ Fightin' with the shadows in your head _

_ Livin' out the same old moment _

_ Knowin' you’d be better off instead _

_ If you could only _

****

_ Say what you need to say _

_ Say what you need to say _

_ Say what you need to say _

_ Say what you need to say _

_ Say what you need to say _

_ Say what you need to say _

_ Say what you need to say _

_ Say what you need to say _

****

Blaine sat down on the couch, holding his head in his hands with apparent shame. I walked over and sat down beside him, embracing him calmly as he collapsed into my arms again.

****

_ Have no fear for givin' in _

_ Have no fear for givin' over _

_ You better know that in the end _

_ It's better to say too much _

_ Than to never to say what you need to say again _

****

_ Even if your hands are shakin' _

_ And your faith is broken _

_ Even as the eyes are closin' _

_ Do it with a heart wide open _

_ A wide heart _

****

Blaine's hands were still shaking. I looked him in the eyes as I tried to give him my most reassuring look.

****

_ Say what you need to say _

_ Say what you need to say _

_ Say what you need to say _

_ Say what you need to say _

_ Say what you need to say _

_ Say what you need to say _

_ Say what you need to say _

_ Say what you need to say _

****

"I can't! I can't! You know what he will say! He'll hate me, and I can't disappoint him," Blaine sobbed. "He's my father. I can't have him turn his back on me."

His cheeks were tear-stained and his breath was heavy. I'd never seen him so upset. My heart broke for him.

"He's not really seeing the real you because you keep it hidden from him, Blaine. You're a people pleaser. Don't get me wrong, I love how much you care about others, but you often put yourself on the lowest rung of the ladder in order for others to rise to the top. You often even become that missing rung for others when they need to take that extra step and they can't do it on their own. But you are too afraid to climb that ladder yourself. Now, it's your turn to take that step," I assured him.

"But what about that missing rung? What if it is too far a leap, and I miss a step and come crashing down?"

"I'll be right beside you if you need me to be. I'll be that missing rung for you. I just want to see you happy. And right now, you are miserable. You care so much about everyone else, but you forget yourself, buddy."

"I'm terrified that I will let him down," Blaine finally told me. "He'll see me as less of a man, and I'm scared to death of what he will think," Blaine confided. "What if he doesn't love me anymore?"

"Have you ever heard him brag about you? Actually, it makes me feel inferior. You make him so proud. Besides, parents are supposed to want happiness for their kids. If he doesn't accept it, you have people that will. I've got your back, little bro." He didn't seem so sure. "Do you know what courage means? I thought I did. But it isn't doing something that doesn't take any risk. Courage is being afraid of something and doing it anyway, taking that leap, and stepping out with the belief that you will be okay.

"Wow, Coop! That's profound. How did you arrive at that conclusion?"

"It was in a script for a part I went out for. I didn't get the part, but I remembered the line. I want to see you have courage. I want to see you do that for yourself. You deserve that Blaine."

"Please stay here, Coop. I think you could help me channel the courage I need to do this. I f I don't say this now, I probably won't," said Blaine with a small wave of confidence. He stood up and walked over to the steps. "I really am tired of the charade, of not being me. Maybe I'm afraid for nothing. Are they in the living room?"

"Yeah," I said as I placed my hand on the back of his shoulder. I watched him turn toward the stairs with his shoulders a little higher. Just like that, he had slipped back into his confident persona, ready to face his fears.

"Hey, Blaine. Courage!" I gave him two thumbs up and watched him make that walk downstairs.

**_**_Author's note: Thanks so much to DJ Eclipse for editing this. That's not my strong point. Hallelujah!_** s so much to DJ Eclipse for editing this. That's not my strong point. Hallelujah!_ **


	2. Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine comes out to his parents and his best friend, Michael.

**Chapter 2: Chapter 2: Perfect**

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or "perfect"

 

**Saturday, September 5, 2009**

**Blaine, Anderson Residence**

I made my way down the stairs slowly, as Cooper nodded at me. Maybe it will be ok. Cooper is right. My parents love me. Sure, they don't really get me, but that's ok. They try. This will be ok. It has to be ok. It has to be better than lying to them and keeping it all to myself any longer. I can't keep this all bottled up. I just need to know that I'm not crazy, that I'm ok.

Cooper was cool about it. We don't always get along, but hey, we are brothers, and we are there for each other when it counts. I just wish he was home more.  His classes at UCLA started in a week, but honestly, I'm so glad that he's home right now. I smiled back at him and walked into the living room.

"Mom! Dad! Can we talk? Are you busy?"

"What is it, baby?" mom said sweetly.  Her smile gave me some reassurance , but one glance in dad’s direction melted all that strength I thought I had.  

"Ummm, uh I, I need to talk to you guys." I could feel my hands start to tremble. Maybe I can't do this. I'm going to disappoint them so much.

"Son, is everything ok?"

And I lost it. The tears fell. "I'm gay!" I blurted. "And no, it's not ok. I'm not."

Mom wrapped her arms around me. "It's ok, son," she gently whispered. "I love you, son," she said louder. "I know this must've been hard to tell us." The tears from her face brushed against my own cheeks.  “It’s ok baby.  I love you, son,”  

Mom and I held our embrace, and we sobbed together until my eyes drifted upwards and caught dad’s cold, intense glare.   "Son! I think you need to think about what you are saying because we don't talk like that in this house."

"No, we don't.    We dance around the truth. We carry up appearances. We pretend that we have it all together. Well, this is me admitting that I can't do it anymore. I have held this in for too long. I've fought it in my mind; I questioned everything about myself. I hate myself sometimes. You think that this is something I just realized yesterday? I have known for…"

"Stop, young man, just stop! You are obviously confused. I don't know how this idea got planted into your head, but you are a teenage boy. You have no clue who you are yet. But you aren't gay. I mean, you are surrounded by girls all the time."

"No dad, I'm gay. Those girls, they are sweet, but I'm not attracted to any of them. I hear the other guys at school talk about a hot girl and I just don't get it.  However, I catch myself staring at those same guys."

"Son, this is a lot to take in," Mom said, calmly wrapping me in a hug again. "But it's ok. Maybe we need to call the doctor and set up an appointment with a therapist. I can tell this is hard and maybe it will help you with what you are feeling. I know this must be tearing you up inside. It sounds like you could use someone to help you sort through some things." She rubbed my  shoulder soothingly.

"Pam, don't encourage this! He's a teenage boy. He's confused."

I started to lose it. "Dad, didn't you just hear what I said! I'm not confused. I am in love with Michael," I said, my voice growing steadily. "And he isn't the only guy I've ever been attracted to. "

Dad's face went cold. "Son, you don't know what you are talking about!  Now stop this gay nonsense right now.  You aren't gay. You are just confused. I was a teenage boy once. Maybe you are spending too much time watching those fruity musicals and playing that wimpy piano.”

“Nick,” my mom spoke quietly.  “You aren’t helping.”

"Pam,” he said through gritted teeth, “ I do think we need to set up that appointment.

I could feel my face get hot and I started to shake. "No, dad. You aren't hearing what I'm saying. I'm not confused. I'm trying to tell you who I am. But I forgot we don't talk about feelings in this house! We aren't allowed to express our insecurities, and I'm sick of it!" I screamed and angrily shook my fist.

"Enough Blaine! How can you even say that? This is a Christian household. You know how I feel about this!"

"Nick, stop," mom said, as she put her hand on his arm. Dad flinched.

"No, Pam, no son of mine is going to be a queer! This is ridiculous!"

Cooper walked into the room. "Dad, calm down," he said. "Blaine needs you to hear him right now." He put in hand on my shoulder.

"You knew about this?" Dad yelled. "And you didn't say anything? You thought it was ok that he embarrasses our family like this."

"Dad, the only person that is an embarrassment right now is you! Blaine needs you to quit being an arrogant jerk and just listen to him."

Dad turned around and slammed his fist through our family portrait, then he stormed angrily out of the room.

"Blaine, I think your dad and I need a minute to discuss things, ok son!" Mom said gently, and she quickly left the room after him.

“Mom’s in your corner, man.  And knowing her, if dad doesn’t get on board, he’ll deeply regret it,” he chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.  Cooper wrapped his arms around me again. 

"I knew I should've kept my mouth shut," I sobbed.

"Hey man, it's ok. I told you, I've got your back. Dad's not good with dealing with his feelings," Cooper told me.

"He doesn't even get it! It’s all about him.  He's worried about how this will look to all his arrogant friends and snobby partners."

"Just give him some time, Blaine. I don't think dad had a clue!"

"Because he never does! He doesn't know me at all! And it's partly my fault. This is the first time I've allowed myself to be truthful with him. I've always gone along with it, you know. I've always wanted to hang out with you guys, so I sat and watched the football games. I've watched those awful action flicks, and I don't mind it sometimes, but I also enjoy a good musical. And when I try to talk to him about anything other than the score of the game, or actually discuss something deeper, or even just my opinion, I'm shut off," I cried. "He doesn't know me, and he doesn't even care that he doesn't. "

"He'll come around. Just give him some time," Cooper said with a small smile.

Mom walked into the room. Her tear stained face broke with a small assured smile. "I love you, son. He's stubborn, but he loves you, Blaine. I think he's shocked. You really dropped a bombshell on him," she said as she wrapped her arms around me.

"But, mom, you didn't freak out like that."

"Because I'm your mom and I've had a little more time to come to terms with all of this," she smiled gently.

"You knew," I remarked, puzzled.

"I suspected! Blaine, you are my son. I can't say I completely understand, but I'm here for you and I love you. Your father does too, but he's just going to need some time. It will be ok eventually."

"I just want him to accept me, to attempt to understand, to realize that this is not about him."

"Blaine, this is a little about him, too. This will be an adjustment for him. It is a lot to take in. Give him a chance. You know what a conservative man he is."

"But I need him to accept me as I am, not as his idea of what he thinks I should be."

"Son," dad stuck his head in the door. "I think we need to talk."

I gulped and followed him into the garage.

 

**Saturday, September 5, 2009**

**Nicolas Anderson, Anderson Residence**

Blaine walked into the garage, and I closed the door behind him.  "Son, I think you owe me an apology," I stated firmly.

"Dad, I'm sorry for yelling at you," he cried. "I know that couldn't be easy for you to hear."  I watched him tremble.  He really meant it when he said he was terrified.  His head was down, and he wouldn’t meet my gaze.  

Pam told me that I needed to try to understand.  I didn’t even know where to begin.  Blaine was always a little mysterious to me.  I loved him, but we never really had much to say to each other.  He was just so quiet and reserved.  I completely understood because he got that trait from me.  "Son, I'm just glad you told us. How long have you felt like this?"

"Awhile, dad, but I guess a part of me always knew that I was different."

"Well, I'm glad you told us now so we can get you the help you need. We will get this sorted out so you can get better. I understand that you are confused."   H e had to be.  I certainly didn’t understand it.  

Blaine backed away from me. "You really don't get it do you?

"Blaine, it's not normal to feel this way,” I reasoned.

"You don't think I know that?” he shouted.   “You don't think I haven't been terrified by the thoughts in my head? You think I understand it all? It took me awhile, but I know, dad, that this is who I am. And I want you to try to understand that!"

"Son, I, I, um," I shook his head, "I'm sorry, but I'm so disappointed in you," I said.  I couldn’t look at him.   My head dropped as I turned around to walk toward the other side of the garage.  The next thing I knew, I heard Blaine’s voice ring out.

 

**Saturday, September 5, 2009**

**Blaine, Anderson Residence**

This was killing me.  I knew he wouldn’t get it, but I refused to accept that.  It was time for me to stop hiding.  That was what courage meant.  I needed to face my fears, my demons.  That meant I had to stop suppressing what I felt, even at the expense of him hating me.  I had to take that risk.   Without thinking any further, I did what came natural, and I let the words that I had thought so many times escape my lips.  

 

_ Hey dad, look at me _

_ Think back and talk to me _

_ Did I grow up according to the plan ? _

_ And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do? _

_ But it hurts when you disapprove all along _

_ I tried to look at him, but he wouldn't let his eyes meet mine _

 

_ And now I try hard to make it _

_ I just wanna make you proud _

_ I'm never gonna be good enough for you _

_ I can't pretend that _

_ I'm alright _

_ And you can't change me _

 

I sang that line shakily, but he needed to know that I didn't have some disease; this wasn't me just going through some identity crisis. This is me. And he's not ok with it. The tears streamed down my face.

 

_ 'Cause we lost it all _

_ Nothing lasts forever _

_ I'm sorry _

_ I can't be perfect _

_ Now it's just too late _

_ And we can't go back _

_ I'm sorry _

_ I can't be perfect _

 

My whole body started to tremble. I blew it. I tried so hard to be the boy he wanted, and I destroyed it all in 5 minutes. I shattered his dreams.

 

_ I try not to think _

_ About the pain I feel inside _

_ Did you know you used to be my hero? _

_ All the days you spent with me _

_ Now seem so far away _

_ And it feels like you don't care anymore _

 

I allowed my mind to drift back to the fishing trips, to the ball games, to the time when he dusted me off when I fell off my bike. He hasn't always been to every event, but dad really did try sometimes.

 

_ And now I try hard to make it _

_ I just wanna make you proud _

_ I'm never gonna be good enough for you _

_ I can't stand another fight _

_ And nothing's alright _

My head dropped and I knew that I screwed up. I shouldn't have said anything. This is too much for him. He can't accept this. He won't.

 

' _ Cause we lost it all _

_ Nothing lasts forever _

_ I'm sorry _

_ I can't be perfect _

_ Now it's just too late _

_ And we can't go back _

_ I'm sorry _

_ I can't be perfect _

_ And I'm tired of trying. Tears pooled from my eyes. _

 

_ Nothing's gonna change the things that you said _

_ Nothing's gonna make this _

_ right again _

_ Please don't turn your back _

_ I can't believe it's hard _

_ Just to talk to you _

_ But you don't understand _

 

I backed up against the wall, the cold concrete a metaphor for the wall that I just put up between the two of us. It's never going to be the same. I slumped down to the floor and curled up into a ball. Queer, he called me queer, like I'm dirty and disgusting. Why did I think that he could accept this. I'm an idiot for believing that he would accept me.

 

_ 'Cause we lost it all _

_ Nothing lasts forever _

_ I'm sorry _

_ I can't be perfect _

_ Now it's just too late _

_ And we can't go back _

_ I'm sorry _

_ I can't be perfect _

 

Against the coldness of that hard stone floor, I felt warmth embrace me.   It was dad, holding me tightly in his arms.  

"Blaine!” He sobbed.  “I’m sorry!  You are just going to have to give me some time but I don't want you to feel like I hate you." And that's when that wall broke. "I love you, son. And you aren't perfect, I know that. I'm sorry that I made you feel like you have to be. I'm not ashamed of you. I'm ashamed of me!"

"Dad, I, I," I started but I couldn't even finish that sentence in my head let alone out loud.

"I want you to talk to someone. Mom is setting up an appointment, but it's not just for you. I don't want you to feel this way. I'm going to do it too. And you are right. I don't really know you that well. I just accepted that you got along better with your mom. I told myself that you had your mother to talk to, that you didn't need that with me because I didn't really understand your interests. I try, but I just don't get musicals, and many of those songs just sound the same to me. I can't promise that I will be able to adjust to this quickly, or ever completely, but I promise I'll try."

"That's all I ask, dad," I said, as dad raised up and looked at me. I could still see pain in his face. Mom and Cooper were at the door. I motioned for them to come in, and mom embraced us. Cooper joined in, and for the first time in a long time, I felt like everything would eventually be ok. It wasn't broken, just battered. We would heal. We would be alright. I would be alright.

**Saturday September 5**

**Michael- Blevin’s Residence**

That letter?  The book?  What did it all mean? 

Blaine and I had been friends since I was in fifth grade.  He seemed to be a cool guy, although he was kind of a nerd.  I thought back to the message.  I just thought he was sympathetic.    I had to be reading to deeply into it.   The words ran through my head over and over.  

 

**Michael,**

**Thanks for sharing your passion of Robert Frost with me. I was really touched by his beautiful words. His poems are as beautiful as you are.**

**With all my love,**

**Blaine**

Beautiful?  With all my love?  I was reading too much into it.  I had to be.  Blaine wasn’t gay?  He was on the soccer team and the track team.  He was short, but he was a pretty good athlete.  

The more I thought about it, though, the more it started to come together.  Blaine was awfully touchy feely.  I thought he was just that way with everyone.  He often put his hand on my knee or patted my shoulder.  The more I let it run through my mind, the more creeped out I felt.  Blaine was a fag, a dirty, disgusting fag.  

I changed in the locker room in front of him.  He was probably staring at me, having gay fantasies of us.  I grabbed my waste can and wretched into it.  

What was I going to do?  I wasn’t gay!  Did he think that I was?  Did anyone else think that I was.  This would destroy my reputation.  Blaine was actually more popular that I was.  The girls swooned over him.  Ha.  Apparently, those ladies didn’t have a chance in hell.  He had the hots for me.  The thoughts ran wild in my head.  I needed to talk to him, to make sure that he didn’t say anything.l  He needed to know that this wasn’t ok.  Suddenly, I heard guitar strings plucking.  Blaine was standing outside of my window.   I ran outside.  Blaine started singing right to me, staring at me intensely.   

 

_ And I'd give up forever to touch you _

_ 'Cause I know that you feel me somehow _

_ You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be _

_ And I don't wanna go home right now _

 

What the hell?   So it was true.  

 

_ And all I can taste is this moment _

_ And all I can breathe is your life _

_ When sooner or later it's over _

_ I just don't wanna miss you tonight _

 

_ And I don't want the world to see me _

_ 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand _

_ When everything's made to be broken _

_ I just want you to know who I am _

 

I stood there mortified, frozen in fear, as neighbors started to step out on the porch.  Crap!  I had to react.  He couldn’t do this.  I wanted him gone.  

“Michael, I can't handle you not knowing who I really am anymore. I tired of hiding, of pining, of dreaming. I just need you to know…”

" **Blaine, what the hell are you doing! Get your ass away from me!**

"Michael, please, can I just talk to you for a min…"

I didn’t even think twice.  I reared back and punched him directly in the face.   **“I said get the hell away from me, you faggot!”**

“He stood staring at me, stunned and hurt, but apparently, I didn’t scare him off.  I picked up a branch from the ground, and swung it toward him.  “ **Blaine, don’t touch me!  Get your nasty ass away from me.  And if you ever try to touch me or even look at me again, you will regret it!”**


	3. Wide Awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine copes with Michael's rejection. He wants to move on. Michael has other plans.

**Chapter 3: Chapter 3: Wide Awake**

Chapter 3: Wide Awake

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own Glee or Wide Awake by Katy Perry 

Author's Note: I wanted to say a very big thank you to DJ Eclipse for editing these for me.

 

**Saturday, September 5, 2009**

**Blaine**

After fleeing Michael's house Saturday afternoon, I had a really bad feeling about school Monday. Things didn't go as I'd hoped. I ruined everything, and Michael hated me. I didn't think the punch would be the end of this.  Little did I know that everything was going to go from bad to worse so quickly!

I eventually shut my cell off after the fifth phone call calling me a queer and I ended up hurling the phone against the wall. Not to mention, my parents had to take the house phone off the hook. Cooper pretty much met me at the car door and held me. He led me inside the house, and we barricaded ourselves in my room for the afternoon.

I'd never been so frustrated and hurt in my life. My friendship with Michael evaporated into dust in the blink of an eye, with one moment.  One regrettable moment.  I knew there was a chance that he wouldn’t feel the same way, but I thought that I knew him better than that. He was my best friend. The worst thing about it was that I knew that if he came to my door, apologized, and told me he loved me too, I would've accepted him back in a heartbeat. I just wasn't sure that I could let go of what I felt for him yet.  But love shouldn't feel this way. It shouldn't hurt this much.

"Come on, talk to me," Cooper pleaded. "I'm listening, man. It's going to be ok. I'm not going anywhere. I meant it when I said I've got your back."

"What was I thinking!" I sobbed. My heart was shattered.

"Hey, you can't control the way you feel, Blaine," Cooper reassured me. "He was a total ass. He better be glad that he is underage because I'd  make him regret laying a finger on you. He doesn't deserve to know someone like you, Blaine."

"I guess I just didn't know him how I thought I did," I said. "I'm not sure what I thought would happen, but I didn't think he would attack me. He's not who I thought he was," I said sorrowfully. "I, I, I just…..I don't even know what to feel or think anymore!"

"Let it out! Don't keep it all inside!" Cooper placed his arm around my shoulder and patted my back.

I knew I had no more words to say what I thought so I resorted to what I always did. Never did any words ring truer than those of Katy Perry right at that moment. The words just started to pour out from my heart and soul.

 

_ I'm wide awake _

_ I'm wide awake _

_ I'm seeing things clearer right now than I have in a long time _

_ I'm wide awake _

_ Yeah, I was in the dark _

_ I was falling hard _

_ With an open heart _

_ I'm wide awake _

_ How did I read the stars so wrong? _

 

I had been in the closet for awhile now, about everything.  The persona I gave off was a mask, and I was exhausted from trying to keep it in place.  I was afraid and alone, but I didn't want to be that way anymore. That fear disillusioned me into thinking that he could reciprocate my feelings. I was sure what I was feeling was love.  I really thought that if I was honest and told him how I felt that he might just feel the same as I had.  

  
  


_ I'm wide awake _

_ And now it's clear to me _

_ That everything you see _

_ Ain't always what it seems _

_ I completely misread the relationship we had. I really believed that all those years as friends meant something. How did I screw it up in a matter of minutes? _

_ I'm wide awake _

_ Yeah, I was dreaming for so long _

_ I wish I knew then _

_ What I know now Wouldn't dive in _

_ Wouldn't bow down _

_ Gravity hurts _

_ You made it so sweet _

_ 'Til I woke up on _

_ On the concrete _

 

I took a risk by telling him and I blew it. I had taken it too far. Now my heart was splattered on the ground.

 

_ Falling from cloud nine _

_ Crashing from the high _

_ I'm letting go tonight _

_ Yeah, I'm falling from cloud nine _

 

I just wanted to pretend that this didn't happen, that it was all a dream. I wasn't so lucky though. The punch was a wake-up call and it was far from over.  I've got to recover from this. What was it Cooper said yesterday about Courage, that it was taking a risk? And that's what I did. I took a leap and I fell.

 

_ I'm wide awake _

_ Not losing any sleep _

_ I picked up every piece _

_ And landed on my feet _

_ I'm wide awake _

_ Need nothing to complete myself, no _

 

_ I'm wide awake _

_ Yeah, I am born again _

_ Out of the lion's den _

_ I don't have to pretend _

_ And it's too late _

_ The story's over now, the end _

 

At that moment, I had a funny feeling wash over me. It was relief. It felt amazing. Someone knew. I knew it wouldn't be long before everyone knew, but at least I didn't have to hide anymore.  I learned a lot from this. Michael wasn't who I thought he was, but I also learned a lot about someone else: me. And I was a lot stronger than I had ever imagined.

 

_ I wish I knew then _

_ What I know now _

_ Wouldn't dive in _

_ Wouldn't bow down _

_ Gravity hurts _

_ You made it so sweet _

_ 'Til I woke up on _

_ On the concrete _

 

_ Falling from cloud nine _

_ I'm crashing from the high _

_ I'm letting go tonight _

_ I'm falling from cloud nine _

_ I'm wide awake _

_ Thunder rumbling _

_ Castles crumbling _

_ I'm wide awake _

_ I am trying to hold on _

_ I'm wide awake _

_ God knows that I tried _

_ Seeing the bright side _

_ (I'm wide awake) _

_ I'm not blind anymore… _

 

I didn't want the illusion, the fairy tale anymore. This was reality, my reality, and I had hope again that everything would be alright.

 

_ I'm wide awake _

_ I'm wide awake _

_ Yeah, I'm falling from cloud nine _

_ Crashing from the high _

_ You know I'm letting go tonight _

_ I'm falling from cloud nine _

 

Although I don't know if there is anyone out there for me, I am not going to give up the dream that someone would love me. It just wouldn't be Michael.

 

I'm wide awake

I'm wide awake

I'm wide awake

I'm wide awake

I'm wide awake

 

Cooper's eyes found mine, and I had the reassurance that it would be ok, eventually. I wasn't in this alone. My brother really does have my back.

 

**Saturday, September 5, 2009**

**Cooper Anderson, Anderson Residence**

This was all my fault. I told Blaine to have courage, to speak his mind.  I meant for him to tell the family, not to Michael. There was no going back from this. Fear of what might happen next overcame me as I held my brother.  I saw the fear, the disgust, in Michael's face on Friday. This wasn't over. Michael would not let go.

I held Blaine close as he cried on my shoulder and I thought about the challenges that lay before him. I was terrified that his innocence would be stolen by all of this. Blaine was so full of life, and I didn't want anything to steal that from him. However, as he sang those words, I watched his shoulders relax.  I saw a smile smile of hope dawn across his face.  I listened to my brother sing those words and I slowly watched him regain his confidence, as if he was more relieved that it was out in the open now. His heart was broken right now, but he wasn’t.

Blaine's experience so far in school was golden. He was fairly popular, somehow managing to be friends with the jocks due to him being on the track and soccer teams. But he wasn't going to be able to hold on to that now. I was so nervous about innocence being stolen, ripped from him, and his spirit slowly stripped from him. But Blaine was a fighter and he wasn't going to allow people to push him around. I knew I needed to stay in his corner, assure him, and mentor him. For once, I needed to be his anchor instead of the other way around.

"Courage, Blaine, courage," I said smoothly.

 

**Saturday, September 5, 2009**

**Michael-Blevins Residence**

So Blaine was a faggot!  That actually explained a lot.  As his best friend, I was always fielding questions from the ladies about whether he had a girlfriend or not.  Quite honestly, I never quite understood why he didn’t have a girlfriend.  At first, I thought he was seeing that Jenny chick, but he denied it.  He swore they were just friends.  Now, I guess it was obvious why.  

My best friend was gay, and he was in love with me.  Word was going to get out, and it would destroy me.  I couldn’t let that happen.  I had to be on the defense, attack or be attacked.  I knew who I would need in my corner.  

“Derek, you’ll never guess what Blaine just did!” .


	4. Keep Holding Om

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine goes to school on Monday after being outed.

Chapter 4- Keep Holding ON

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of its characters.

**Warning: Trigger warning: Rape is mentioned in this chapter although it isn't described in graphic detail. If this bothers you, please skip over the part under Jenny's point of view.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of the characters. I also do not own any of the lyrics used in this fic. L**

 

**Saturday, September 5, 2009**

**Pam Anderson**

Blaine’s secret was out.  Nicolas knew.  I’ve known for awhile, but I was terrified for Blaine when Nicolas discovered the truth about his son.  

They weren’t close, but Nick had high expectations for Blaine.  He had high hopes for both of his boys, but his dreams were dashed when Cooper went to L.A. to pursue acting.  Nick was a no nonsense kind of person, and that’s all acting was.  Nicolas was a workaholic, and the arts was a waste of time.  I was a piano teacher, and I had just come to accept that he would never truly understand why I loved music the way I did, and I knew that there would be that same rift between him and his sons.  

I knew Nick, and I knew his response wasn't going to be pretty. I didn't realize how big the explosion would be though.  Nick loved Blaine, but he wasn't so good at handling his feeling. They would slowly have to rebuild their relationship.

 

**"How dare you make accusations like that about my family and my son. And you better hope that I don't ever catch you out in town!"**

 

Nick's face was red with fury as he slammed the telephone receiver down. "Pam, I can't do this! I've tried to help Blaine the best I know how. I can't have people calling him names." Tears streamed down his face.

 

"Who was it?" I asked.

"Jeremy Daniels, Carl’s father.   He called Blaine a fag, Pam. We've been friends for years.  Our sons were friends.   Now, he is degrading my son. I,I,…" he shook his head in shame. "I can't do this right now," he said as the phone rang again.

 

I stood up to quickly intercept the call.

 

"Elizabeth, what? Calm down! What do you mean that we shouldn't come this weekend? We've been planning this benefit at church for a month! Have I done something to offend you? What does Blaine have to do with…" I stammered. "You know what, it's fine. You can do the benefit on your own, but I can't talk right now." I promptly hung up the phone. I attempted to smile reassuringly at Nick.  

"Dear, it's going to be ok. It's just going to take some time." Nick walked across the room and slammed the door to the garage. Nick needed to be alone. I took the phone off the hook and walked up the stairs.  I had heard the back door slam earlier, and I figured that Blaine had gone into his tree house or to Jenny’s house.   I didn't know exactly what happened, but obviously Blaine’s secret had been revealed.  I needed to check to make sure that he was ok.  I opened the door to see Blaine crying on Cooper's shoulder.

"Blaine, baby, what's wrong?" I asked, and then he slowly raised his head. His cheek was red and starting to swell. "Who hit you Blaine? What happened?"

"Michael," he sobbed. "He, he,… all I was trying to do is finally tell him how I felt. And he hates me. I had to say what I felt. It was killing me inside, mom. I'm tired of trying to live up to everyone's expectations of me. I just want to be myself. I'm not lying to myself anymore or anyone else either."

"Son, I'm here for you. This is going to be difficult, but we love you son. And if Michael doesn't want to be your friend anymore then he doesn't deserve you. I won't let anyone hurt you, but Blaine, there are some hateful people out there. Do you really think it's a good idea that you start telling other people? Son, you are so sensitive and caring. And some people might say some really mean things."

"Mom, the phone ringing, was that call about me?"

"Blaine, I….," I stuttered. I looked at the broken phone on the floor. "What happened?"

"Mom, Michael told the guys on the soccer team!" Cooper stated. "He's gotten several awful phone calls. They called him a-"

"Cooper, Blaine, we just need to stick together. It's going to be hard, but we are going to get through this," I said as I enveloped the boys in a hug. "We'll get through this."

"Mom, do I have to go to school Monday," Blaine sobbed.

"You need to go," said Cooper, "but I'll be there to pick you up and I'll keep my phone on in case you need me."

"And I'll go there with you. I think I need to talk to the principal and maybe the guidance counselor. It's going to be ok," I said calmly.  I was lying through my teeth.  Deep down,  I was terrified.

 

**September 7, Monday 7:30**

**Blaine Anderson, Central Westerville High**

Mom and I stood at the front office. I don't think I've ever dreaded anything so much in my life. I always loved school, but I had a feeling that all of that was gone now. I could see glares and stares and I heard the snickers in my direction.

Mrs. Stetson, the secretary, invited us inside the conference room with Mrs. Johnson, the guidance counselor; Mr. Jacobs, the principal; Mr. Jones, the SRO officer; Mr. Davis, my soccer coach; and Mr. Spencer, my track coach.

"Blaine," started Mr. Jacobs, "We're here at the request of your mom, and we heard you've had a pretty rough weekend," he said calmly.

I touched my cheek and tried to fight back the tears. Mr. Spencer patted me on the back. "Hey kid, I'm going to talk to the guys. Is that ok? The guys will be ok with it. And I'm here if you need to talk."

Mr. Davis tried to look me in the eye. "Son, I'm sorry about what some of the guys on the team said to you. You are an important part of our team, and I am here for you if you need me."

Mrs. Johnson spoke next, "And darling, you can always talk to me."  She was a sweet lady. I wasn't sure that I could really talk to her about what I was feeling though.

Mr. Jacobs spoke again. "Now, Mrs. Anderson, I can't do anything about the phone calls or anything that happened off campus, but we will keep an eye out for Blaine. I will not stand for any student being bullied."

Mrs. Johnson added "We have an anti-bullying assembly coming up and we will address issues such as acceptance and exclusion. Blaine, we won't single you out or anyone else. We do want you to realize that there is a mindset with some people that they aren't going to change overnight. But if anyone harasses or bullies you, you need to come to us."

Mr. Spencer tried to reassure me. "Hey, this will blow over. That's how high school is. You're a popular kid, and I think some of the kids are in shock. Just give them some time to deal with it, and I think they will see that you are still the same Blaine that they have been friends with in the past."

I wasn't quite as convinced that this would all blow over. He hadn't read the comments on my Facebook page:girls offering to help me change my mind, former friends telling me that I was a sick fag, friends saying that they weren't allowed to be around me anymore, boys claiming that I had made advances at them, some of my teammates had even posted some highly homophobic slurs, guys that I had known for years.

"I just want to make sure that Blaine is safe," mom stated. "I deactivated his Facebook page, but it was flooded with hate speech and even threats. I even reported some of the threats to the police, but they said it was just kids playing around, and if there wasn't any physical contact that there wasn't much that they could do. I just want to make sure that he doesn't have to put up with that here. I want my son to be safe." Mom put her hand on my shoulder.

"Mrs. Anderson, we will keep an eye on him." said Mr. Jones.

"Mom, I'll be ok. I just need to have courage. Everyone knows now, so I need to just embrace it. I don't have to hide it anymore. It's going to be ok. But I'm a little worried about Michael. I have fourth period with him."

Mrs. Jacobs told me that she would rework my schedule and switch my geometry class to third period. Then Mr. Davis excused me from practice this afternoon. The bell rang and first period was over.

"Can I go to class now," I said.

"Yes," Mrs. Jacobs said. "And remember, Blaine, we are here if you need us."

I nodded. My mom smiled at me assuredly. I walked down the hallway towards my locker. It would be ok, I told myself. I ran to second period so I wasn't late. Class went ok, I guess. I like American Literature, I just wasn't in the mood to talk about Huckleberry Finn today. Luckily, Mrs. Stevenson didn't call on me today.

As soon as the bell rang, I quickly left the classroom. I headed into the bathroom. "Hey, it's Fairy boy," Carl sneered. "Didn't you mean to go to the girls bathroom. I don't want you staring at me when I'm in here."

The guys in there just laughed. I turned around and walked out. I wasn't paying attention and slammed right into Stacy Stults.

"Hey, Blaine, baby. So apparently, I'm really not your type. I think you just haven't had the right experience yet." She leaned in and stuck her face to my ear. "Seriously, I'd be willing to let you experience what being with a woman is like." Then she stuck her tongue in my ear.

I pulled away. "Look, Stacey, I'm sorry. I just don't think that's a good idea."

"Wow, so it’s true.  You really are a cocksucker, aren't you!" Stacey smirked, followed by a handful of students laughing and jeering.

I ran to geometry class. Could this day get any worse?

Everything seemed to go ok in math class, even though nobody would look at or talk to me. I figured I could handle the silent treatment for a couple days.

After geometry, I headed to the cafeteria. I wasn't really hungry but I reluctantly got in line and grabbed a tray. I went through the salad bar and grabbed a juice.

"Hey fag!"

I knew that voice anywhere. Michael glared at me. "I can't believe you showed up here today."

"Look, I'm sorry about the song. Michael, you were my best friend. I didn't mean to upset you!"

"Stop, I'd never be friends with trash like you." He knocked the tray in my hands, and my tray crashed to the floor. "Stay away from me."

I picked up my tray and dumped it into the trash. I wasn't hungry anyway. I went outside and sat under a tree.

"Blaine," said a sweet familiar voice. Jenny Robbins. "Blaine, are you ok?" She gave me a hug. "It's true, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I'm gay, if that's what you heard."

"You could've told me, Blaine. You're still Blaine and you're my friend regardless."

"Jenny, I didn't tell anybody until this weekend. I wasn't really going to tell anybody. I'm not even sure how I feel about all of this, but I know we are still friends. Thank you. You'd be surprised how many people who had said they were my friends are suddenly pretending I don't exist now."

"Well, I'm still here, Blaine, in case you need to talk. I'll see you in fifth period, ok. I have to go to class. Bye, Blaine," Jenny said sweetly.

I was so glad that she was my friend. She was such a sweet person. She was a smart, timid girl, but she had a heart of gold. We had been friend since second grade. I was so thankful for her now. Most of my classes passed uneventfully.  Jenny and I even shared some laughs in fifth period.

"Thanks for eating lunch with me today. And thanks for not ignoring me today, I told her sincerely.

"Of course, Blaine. I'll walk with you to your next class."

"Actually, that's ok. I have to run to my locker and get my violin." I walked to my locker. Today was a little rough, but it would be ok. It really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Then I opened my locker door.

Hanging inside was a ventriloquist dummy hanging from a belt. The word fag was carved into its head. It was naked and an unrolled condom was stuffed in its mouth. I slammed the door shut and ran to the locker room.

"Hey, look it's Twinky!" said Derek. "You have a lot of nerve showing up in here. None of us want you in here. Maybe you should go change in the girls' locker room."  Then I was slammed against the locker. I winced as my cheek hit the metal door.

"Careful! Maybe you should watch where you are going instead of staring at the guys in here. Nobody wants you here," Derek scornfully remarked.

"Derek, that's enough," said Mr. Spencer. "You can make your way to the principal's office, young man. Blaine, come here. Are you ok?"

"No, I'm not. Can I call my mom? I can't take it anymore more," I sobbed.

"Yes, but can we talk first? I know it's hard right now. And you might not think I understand, and I don't completely. But I have a sister that's bisexual. She has dealt with a lot of slurs. A piece of advice. Don't let it get to you. Blaine, you are an amazing kid. Don't let them tear you down. I meant it earlier, that if you need to talk, I'm here." He patted my shoulder. "And don't worry about Derek. I'll take care of him. Just remember to tell me if there is anyone giving you a hard time. This is going to take time and courage, but if anyone can stay strong and be true to himself, it's you Blaine. I'm proud of you for showing up today. Go ahead and call your mom and I'll see you in practice tomorrow ok!"

 

**Monday, September 7, 2009**

**Jenny- Westerville Central High**

I searched for Blaine in the hallway. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to hear the real story and I wanted to hear it from Blaine. Blaine was amazing, probably the best friend that I had. Honestly, when I met him, I fell for him instantly. That wild, curly hair, those beautiful hazel (almost golden) eyes, that athletic build, that radiant personality, and that amazing voice. He was perfect. Too perfect. And way out of my league.

Our house was five houses from the Anderson residence and we had been friends since we were seven. We knew a lot about each other. We were top dogs at the middle school. I knew we would be popular underclassmen, as well. But then, my world crashed with the two little pink lines on that pregnancy test. It took two days for word to get around town. I lost my spot on the cheerleading team, I was kicked out of my church youth group, and I basically was called a slut by almost everyone that I ever thought was my friend. But not by Blaine.

That's why he was my first call. I told him before I even told my mom. He was usually my first phone call when I had a bad day, because he was always willing to listen. I know that he hadn't told anyone else. No, that had been Cathy. She told Coach Macamara and then the whole squad knew; but they didn't really know the truth. Only Blaine, my mom, and Kyle really knew what had happened.

I called him late that horrible night in June after it happened. I was hysterical and he didn't really get all of the details. But he showed up at Julie's house and led me to his mom's car (he didn't drive yet). I told her that Kyle and I had broken up and that's why I wanted to go home, but I hadn't told my mom where I really was. She offered to take me home. Blaine walked me to the door and he promised to call me as soon as he was home. He knew by the sound of my voice that I was lying; it wasn't just a breakup.

He listened on the phone for half an hour while I tried to muster the courage to tell him what really happened, but I ended up just telling him I was drunk and upset about the breakup. We hung up and I figured that was it. He showed up at my door the next morning. We walked to his house and made our way up into his old tree house. We had played there for hours as kids, and honestly, we still used it as a hang out from time to time.

"What really happened," he asked me, looking directly into my eyes. His compassion shown through those golden eyes and my tears started to fall.

"Kyle and I had sex, but I didn't really want to. I might have told him I would, but I think I had been a little drunk. After we started making out, I realized that I didn't really want to, so I asked him to stop, but then he forced himself on top of me. Blaine, he raped me. And then he called me a slut for making him so turned on. He said I was teasing him by saying we could have sex, just to back out. Blaine, what should I do?" Tears streamed from my face as he gently wrapped his arms around me.

"Jen, listen to me! You have to tell someone. What he did to you was wrong."

"Blaine, I can't. I lied about the party and I was drinking. Mom will be so mad at me and I'll be grounded."

"Jen, this is so much bigger than that. He raped you, sweetie. That's a crime. You have to tell someone. Please, promise me that you will tell someone, Jen. Please! And go to a doctor. You could get an STD or pregnant. You really need to report this to the police."

"Blaine, I can't do this!" He pulled out of the hug and he took my hand. "I can come with you. Jen, you have always had my back and I will always have yours."

I decided to go to my mom and we went to the doctor. She took me to the police station to report what happened. I filed the report, but nothing came of it. Apparently, they said there wasn't enough proof because it was my word against his. Some of his friends said that they heard me say that I wanted to have sex with him. Luckily, the clinic contacted me and told me that I hadn't contracted any STDs.  I hoped that I could move on from the whole experience. But then, I was late.

I was back at the tree house, with his arms around me, once again hysterical. Once again, he came with me as I confronted my mother with the news. Two months later, he still ate lunch with me, even though most of my other friends had turned their back on me. Blaine had gotten a hard time about it and even had to deal with rumors about being the father of my baby. But he never turned his back.

Then, I saw his Facebook page was deactivated Saturday. I didn't really know why. I instinctively walked to his house and texted him to let him know I was there. I knocked on the door and waited in the tree house for awhile, but I finally went back home. I tried to call again Sunday. I walked back over to his house and then I saw the front door. I knocked hard on the door.

"Blaine, it's Jenny, Please let me in. Please talk to me!" I shouted. Mrs. Anderson came to the door. She was visibly upset and she asked me if they could just have some private family time.

"Please tell him that I'm here if he needs to talk," I said. "Is he ok?"

"He will be," she told me "but this is kind of hard on all of us right now. Please give us a day or two to sort some things out. I'll let him know what you said, Jenny, and we are glad that Blaine has you as a friend."

I looked for him Monday morning, but I didn't see him immediately. I finally spotted him in cafeteria. Michael had just knocked Blaine's tray to the floor. I saw the pain all over Blaine's face and I saw the menacing look on Michael's. It was then that I knew. I understood why Blaine didn't turn his back on me, the reason he was so compassionate, the reason he didn't come out to talk to me Saturday or Sunday. The rumors were true and it was my turn to show him the same compassion that he showed me.

I didn't get to see him again until fifth period and he walked with me after class. I could tell that he was upset and that it had been a rough day. I asked him to meet me at my locker after school and we would talk, but I found out that he went early that day. I tried his house again and I made my way back to the tree house. There he was.

"Blaine, tell me what happened!" Jenny begged.

"I screwed up! I went to Michael's house and confessed that I love him."

"Blaine, are you serious? Michael! You're in love with Michael!"

"I thought I was, although I think I'm over that. I mean, he punched me in the face, for crying out loud, and he told everybody about me. You should've seen what he put in my locker."

"What was it?"

"It was a dummy with the word fag carved in his face, hanging from a belt by the neck, like a noose or something. Honestly, I'm scared," Blaine said with terror all over his face.

"Blaine, have you told anybody? I mean, that's really sick. You don't need to pretend like this didn't happen."

"I can't prove that he did it, Jenny. And no, I haven't told anyone. But if it is still there in the morning, I'll let Mr. Jones and the principal know. I promise. Really, I just want to move on. Mr Spencer asked me if I would be willing to meet with Michael and I want to. I just want to get past this. I need to say I'm sorry. I didn't realize that I might embarrass him. I didn't think it all through; I just unloaded all my feelings on him and I didn't even give him a chance to say anything. And I did it in public. It should've been a private moment. I just want to make it right."

"Blaine, just be careful. He looked really mad and if he did put the dummy in there, then he's trying to scare you, Blaine. He might even be threatening you. I don't want you to be alone with him. I think you should let your parents know."

"I told mom about everything but the dummy. I don't want to scare her. She's already talking about transferring me to another school. I don't know how I feel about leaving. I like school, although today really sucked. I hope that it gets better. Maybe people will forget eventually. I'm not going to act on it. I think I've decided that I'm never going to try to date a classmate in school ever again." He ran a hand through his curly locks and frowned slightly. "Maybe someday I'll find a boyfriend, but I just don't want to go through this again. Maybe if I let my teammates know that I'm not attracted to them, nor will I ever pursue a relationship with any of them, they will accept me again. But if they don't agree to that, I'll quit the team. I love track but I respect the guys more. I want to talk to the guys on the soccer team too. I want to make sure they are comfortable with me and I just want to be comfortable, too. Jenny, I hope that I can fix this. "

"Blaine, everything will be ok. You are amazing and everybody knows that. I think this will all blow over. I mean, there are still some people that treat me bad too, but each day gets a little better. You helped with that because you never abandoned me. Slowly, some of the others came around. I think it will be even better for you. Blaine, you are such a joy to be around. Just don't lose that. Everybody will see that and they'll be back."

"Thanks, Jenny. I love you. Let's just stick together," he said as he hugged me again.

"We always have." I hugged him back. "Blaine, I have to go, but call me anytime you need me. Promise me that. If you don't, I'll stalk you, ok."

"Ok!"

 

**Monday afternoon, September 7, 2009**

**Pam- The Anderson Residence**

The phone rang and I could hear the grief in Blaine's voice. I told him Cooper would be there in a few minutes. I listened as he told me about his day, the pain very evident in his voice. I hated hearing my boy, normally full of joy and happiness, drowning in frustration.

"Mom, I don't know if I can take another day like this!"

I talked to him until Cooper arrived. I sat down at the one place I knew would bring me comfort, the piano. I started with Minuet, but then I remembered a song Blaine played with me a few years ago in his recital. My fingers played the notes as I sat there and thought about his arrival home. I knew this day would be hard for Blaine, but I also knew how strong he was. I knew that he would just need our support. I heard Cooper's corvette pull into the garage and I heard the footsteps on the steps a few minutes later. Blaine staggered into the living room and slumped onto the couch. My fingers went right to the keys again. So many emotions ran through my head as I played, but Blaine needed me. Although I wasn't the singer in the house, I began to sing.

 

_You're not alone_

_Together we stand_

_I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand_

 

Cooper took Blaine's hand. Blaine looked up and a small, timid smile formed on his lips.

 

_When it gets cold_

_And it feels like the end_

_There's no place to go_

_You know I won't give in_

_No I won't give in_

 

Cooper walked over to mom and joined her at the piano. His voice rose with hers.

 

_Keep holding on_

_'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through_

_Just stay strong_

_'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you_

_There's nothing you could say_

_Nothing you could do_

_There's no other way when it comes to the truth_

_So keep holding on_

_'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through_

 

Blaine smiled at me again, although tears were still sliding down his cheeks.

 

_So far away_

_I wish you were here_

_Before it's too late, this could all disappear_

_Before the doors close_

_And it comes to an end_

_With you by my side I will fight and defend_

_I'll fight and defend Yeah, yeah'_

 

I looked at him, hopefully reassuring him that I would always be by his side, fighting for him.

_Keep holding on_

_'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through_

_Just stay strong_

_'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you_

_There's nothing you could say_

_Nothing you could do_

_There's no other way when it comes to the truth_

_So keep holding on_

_'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through_

I had faith in Blaine. I knew with his optimism and his strength that he could face anything.

 

_Hear me when I say, when I say I believe_

_Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny_

_Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly_

 

_Keep holding on_

_Keep holding on_

_There's nothing you could say_

_Nothing you could do_

_There's no other way when it comes to the truth_

_So keep holding on Keep holding on_

_'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through_

_Just stay strong_

_'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you_

_There's nothing you could say_

_Nothing you could do_

_There's no other way when it comes to the truth_

_So keep holding on_

_'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through_

  


**Monday afternoon- September 7, 2009**

**Blaine Anderson, Anderson Residence**

Mom stood up and wrapped her arms around me, as did Cooper. I thought back to the events of the day but I realized that it wasn't all bad. Although the dummy in my locker scared me, I thought back to Jenny and my coach. There were some people that were still there for me. That's when I decided that I had to take my coach's advice; I had to be strong. I had to stand tall and be myself. I wasn't going to cower in the corner. I had support. I would be ok.

  
**Coming soon, points of view of Blaine's dad, Nick, and Michael.  I absolutely love reviews.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm 5o chapters in this story. I update weekly on Fanfiction with the same name. I didn't know how many people would be interested in this story, but I will keep uploading if you guys would like. I'm including a link to my fanfiction site in case you are a binge reader as I am.  
> https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11984478/1/Courage


	5. I'll Stand by You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine's first day back to school as told by Michael and Nicolas Anderson.

**Chapter 5- I'll Stand By You**

 

**Monday,  Sept. 7, 2009**

**Nick Anderson-Anderson Residence**

My world came crashing down with those 3 words. "Dad, I'm gay!" I didn't know what I expected him to tell us that day, but those are words I never expected to hear. Blaine has always played sports and he was good at them too. He was always so flirty with all those girls that came by the house. Some of them would never leave if we didn't make them. I was sure that one of them had to have been his girlfriend.

Through the years, I have tried to teach Blaine the importance of being a man: I taught him how to shoot a basketball; I taught him how to throw a curveball; I taught him to work hard and stand up for what is right.  However, Blaine and I didn’t have a lot of things that we liked to do together.  The only shared hobby we had was track.  Even though he's short, that boy could run. But I realized that we didn't talk on our runs or while throwing a ball or watching the game.

The truth is, I'm a man of few words and maybe that's what drove a wedge between Blaine and I. Although I did try to spend time with my son, I really didn't understand him at all.  Blaine was a dreamer and I was a realist. I did try to initiate conversations with him, but I just couldn't sustain them. We ended up in awkward silence more times than not. I really think I believed that we were ok. Deep down, I told myself that Blaine preferred to read or sing words than speak them. I thought being there with him was enough, that he knew how I felt. I thought we had a normal father-son relationship. I was ok with the fact that he really seemed to relate best to his mother. I always believed that he knew that I loved him, but now I'm not so sure. On Saturday, everything I believed was turned upside down.

I greatly fear that our already fragile relationship was fractured into thousands of pieces in a matter of moments, everything that we struggled to build in the first place. In the heat of the moment, I said some things that I shouldn't have, but at the same time, it was how I felt. I couldn't deal with having a gay son. It wasn't just about the way I was raised, although my faith is important to me. We live in Ohio and I'm not the only conservative man here. The phone calls I have received over the last few days revealed to me that I wasn't the only one who didn't approve of that lifestyle.

Now, don't misjudge me. Yes, I was worried about what others would say, because I'm a businessman that has worked hard to build the reputation that I have. I've seen relationships I've built throughout the years just crumble in the last few days, people who I thought would always be there turn their back and slander us. The firm had made me a little harder than some and I wasn't going to let someone push me around. But Blaine was fragile and I didn't want to see him broken. He was so soft spoken and worried about everyone else's opinion. I didn't want to have him hear the words spoken to me on the phone by people that were supposed to be friends. No father ever wants his child to be bullied or mistreated, but now I feared that it would be an everyday occurrence.

I called my boss and asked to take a few days off. I wasn't ready to go back yet and face the people who had called or posted comments on my son's Facebook page. I had a police report to file today. We woke up Sunday morning to a defaced front door with the words FAG painted on it along with a picture of a noose across it. I knew that without proof there wasn't really anything the police could do, but I was going to file the report anyway. I also called the insurance company to file a claim to get a new door as quickly as possible. Blaine didn't need to see that; it's been hard enough for him. He has felt so guilty and ashamed for the things said to Pam and I just because he had outed himself to Michael. He really was a good kid, and he didn't deserve everything that has happened over the last few days.

That's when I dropped to my knees and just started praying right there in my living room. It had been so long since I had prayed outside of church. I prayed for insight for my son, so that he could realize that he was a normal teenage boy, and that he was just really confused; I prayed for answers on how to convince him of all of that; I prayed for understanding on how to even get Blaine to talk to me; I prayed for the strength and courage I needed to help me deal with this. Then I realized that I wasn't the one who needed the courage; it was Blaine. But he would need his father in his corner. I had to stay strong for him; I had to fight for him. I had to try to repair the broken relationship I had with Blaine and I had to get to know my son, because I couldn't understand him if I continued being the stranger that I had come to be to him.

Blaine's words from Saturday raced through my head again.

**"We don't say the truth! We dance around it. We carry up appearances. We pretend that we have it all together. Well, this is me admitting that I can't do it anymore. I have held this in for long. I've fought it in my mind. I questioned everything about myself. I hate myself sometimes.**

That scared me. I remembered something Cooper said about a gay kid that attempted suicide just a few years ago they had bullied him so bad.. I didn't want that to be Blaine. More of his words resonated through my head.

**“You think that this is something I just realized yesterday? I have known for a long time now. You don't think I haven't been terrified by the thoughts in my head. You think I understand it all? It took me awhile, but I know, dad, that this is who I am. And I want you to try to understand that!"**

I don't understand it at all. But I promised Blaine that I would try; not try to change him, but try to understand him, try to get to know him, and try to be ok with it all. I knew it wouldn't be easy. Pam made an appointment with a psychologist next week for our family.This wasn't going to be easy. I had to change a mindset that I had had my whole life. But I had to do this. I couldn't fail my son. Others had failed him so much the last few days: his friends, his teammates, and even some our own family members. I wasn't about to be added to that list. I couldn't let him down.

So I headed out to town and purchased a new phone. We needed to open a line of communication again. We needed quality time. We needed an escape. Also, we needed an experience that was ours. I didn't know what it should be yet, but I had to find something that we could talk about, something we shared.

I knew we couldn't talk about everything yet. I really, truly didn't want to talk about his feelings about other guys, but I couldn't criticize him. I just needed to listen. There is a possibility that he could really be confused. Maybe he would discover that he might be mistaken, even though he had stated outright that he wasn't. Who really knows who they are at 15? I certainly didn't have a clue. But I wasn't Blaine. I didn't know what he was going through. I just wanted us to try to build a relationship, something better than the non-existent one we had now. I couldn't fail.

**Monday, September 7, 2009**

**Michael-Westerville Central High**

I wasn't sure that Blaine would show up today, but I had plans for him if he did. Blaine had humiliated me. It was time for payback.

Like a true faggot, he ran to the principal first thing this morning. Of course I had punched him that night; he had it coming. Everything happened so fast. I guess I exploded. I'm not a fag and he was coming on to me. I had to let him know that there was no way in Hell I was interested and I did not want him touching me; I didn't want anybody to think that I had feelings for Blaine, for any guy at all. I didn't need any rumors spoiling my rep. I'd worked hard to be popular and I wasn't going to let anyone, especially Blaine, ruin that for me. My revenge would be a little harder now that people would be watching me. I'd need some help, but that wouldn't be very difficult  any more.

After I posted on his Facebook that I did not appreciate his gay advances on me at my house, the comments exploded. Then I called Derek and some of the other guys on the soccer team. They needed to be warned about Blaine and I knew that they would take my side. Although I'm not sure who painted the mural on his door, I have to say it was a nice touch. And it was only step one.

Our first encounter in the lunchroom was kind of anticlimactic. I was hoping that he would try to touch me so I had an excuse to punch him again. Maybe he thinks it's over. If he thinks a lunch tray on the floor is the worse I can dish out, he's in for a real surprise.

I couldn't wait to see his face when he saw the mannequin. The look of terror was epic. I really enjoyed watching him run out of there like the wuss that he was. I high-fived Luke and Danny as they laughed hysterically and then I headed to 6th period. But I really couldn't wait for track practice; I had it all planned out.

I couldn't wait to confront him again after school. The guys and I had decided that jumping him during school hours was a bad idea, because Mr. Jones, the fake cop, would be watching out for us, but he leaves at the end of the school day. We had planned the ambush after Soccer practice.

But instead, Mr. Spencer was waiting for me in the locker room.

"Hey man, we need to talk. Tell me what happened between you and Blaine," he said.

"Blaine came to my house and serenaded me on my street, singing some love song at me. He kept staring at me and trying to touch me. It was really creepy, coach. I didn't mean to hit him, but I am not gay. I mean, what you would do if a guy came on to you, especially one of your good friends? Look, I just don't want him to touch me. I don't think I can be on the team if Blaine is."

"So, are you quitting?" He asked.

"You mean, you are going to let him stay on the team? Coach, he's a queer, and I have to be in the same locker room with him. He's obviously in love with me. I don't even want to be in the same room with him."

"Look, I'm not kicking Blaine off the team. He's still a great athlete and I want you both to work past this. I want to have a team meeting tomorrow and I think you and Blaine need to work things out."

"Coach, think about what you are asking me to do. Could you do it?"

"You will patch things up with Blaine or you are off the team. He wants to work things out with you. He wants to apologize. He realizes he made a mistake."

"Either he's off the team or I quit, and I'm going to bring at least half the team with me. They don't want Blaine eyeing them either."

"Michael, I'm serious. I know what I'm asking you is hard. I want you on the team. Please think about this. If you quit the team, that's it. You will not be allowed to join again, not while I'm the coach. I can't have fighting and drama. Look, what he did wasn't right, but what you did was worse. You got everyone else in your business!"

"And him singing to me in the middle of the street is private? He started all of this. He humiliated me! He owes me a huge apology."

"I agree, ok. Practice is cancelled tomorrow. Instead, you, Blaine, and I are going to fix this. I know we can work this out. I need you guys."

"Ok, coach. I'll try. I can't promise, but I'll try. I don't want to let the team down." I had an idea brewing in my head. I didn't want to lose my spot on the team. I had to make up with Blaine. I had to get him comfortable around me again. Then, I would get him back when he least expected it.

**Monday night, September 7, 2009**

**Nick Anderson-**

"Son, can you come in here please?"

"Yes, sir," Blaine said.

"Hey, I wanted to give you this. It's a replacement phone and you have a new number. Don't give it out right now, except Jenny. Just try to be a little more careful with this one, ok. Your mom said that today was a rough day for you. I know that with some of the things that have happened lately, you don't need to be without a cell phone. If you need anything, call us. Call me, son, just to talk or for encouragement.

"Thanks dad, but you didn't have to! I broke it. It was my fault. I should be the one to replace it."

"Ok, Blaine, stop! You had a right to be upset. You were bullied and harassed on Saturday, son. You were mistreated. Although I think you made a mistake by singing to Michael, I understand why you were angry. Honestly, I was angry too, because what happened to you was wrong. I never realized how wrong it was until it happened to you though, son. I need to apologize one more time for not being there for you the last few years; I want to fix that. I want to make up for that now. I am going to be here for you."

"One thing I want you to do for me right now is to stop worrying about what everyone else wants at your expense. Stop worrying about what everyone else feels and start acknowledging what you feel. It's ok to be upset and it's ok to tell me about it. It's more than alright because I love you, son. I want you to be happy and I want you to know that happiness is a choice. Don't let others steal your joy. Don't let them break you. I want you to know that I'm proud of you." Blaine smiled. "I can't agree with everything right now, but you are still my son, and I told you that I want to be here for you. I want to spend time with you. So, please, son, tell me about your day." Blaine's smile faded.

"Dad, it was rough. I didn't even make it through the day before I asked Cooper to come and get me. Michael treated me like I had an infectious disease and Jenny was the only person who acknowledged me." Tears started to form in his eyes but he continued the story. "Dad, I hope things really will get easier. If every day was like today, I don't know if I could take it. But hey, this was good. Thank you for listening."

"Son, anytime, and I mean it. I love you." I laid my hand on his shoulder.

"Dad, I've got to go do some homework, but I'll see you later, ok!" He said with a timid smile. I grabbed my phone and hit send a few minutes later.

**Monday night, Saturday, September 7, 2009**

**Blaine, Anderson Residence**

It meant a lot to me that dad wanted to hear about my day. I really did want to talk to him, even though it was awkward. He was trying and that's all I ever really wanted.

I felt a buzzing in my pocket. Huh! Oh yeah, the phone.

**"1 new message!"**

Huh! Who was this from? I recognized dad's number.

 **From Dad to Blaine:** "Check out your phone, son. I downloaded a song for you to get you started."

The Pretenders: I'll stand by you. Hmmm. I hadn't heard it. Dad wasn't as musical as the rest of us, but he would keep the radio on sometimes when he was working in his office. Of course, we always had the radio or a cd on in the car. Out of curiosity, I hit play. A ballad started to play.

 

_Oh, why you look so sad?_

_Tears are in your eyes_

_Come on and come to me now_

_Don't be ashamed to cry_

_Let me see you through_

_'cause I've seen the dark side too_

_When the night falls on you_

_You don't know what to do_

_Nothing you confess_

_Could make me love you less_

 

A tear started to form as I just sat and listened. My dad wanted me to hear this. He chose this song for me. He really meant it earlier when he said he wanted to fix things.

 

_I'll stand by you_

_I'll stand by you_

_Won't let nobody hurt you_

_I'll stand by you_

 

The tears fell freely now. That's all I ever wanted, to know that he supported me. I knew he didn't dislike me, but I just always felt like he preferred Cooper.

_So if you're mad, get mad_

_Don't hold it all inside_

_Come on and talk to me now_

_Hey, what you got to hide?_

_I get angry too_

_Well I'm a lot like you_

Those were his words earlier. I remembered his reaction when he saw the door; he was livid. He slammed his fist into the vandalized door. I rarely see dad lose control. I thought of the words he told me earlier: that I had a right to be angry but not to let them steal my joy. I let them win today; I became a victim. I decided right then and there that I didn't want to let another day pass like this. I wasn't going to walk around timidly and I wasn't going to be quiet. This is still who I am and I wasn't going to let them break me.

 

_When you're standing at the crossroads_

_And don't know which path to choose_

_Let me come along_

_'cause even if you're wrong_

 

Dad made it plain that he didn't agree that I was gay, like he thought it was a choice I made. I wanted for him to understand that if I had a choice, I wouldn't choose this. I hoped he would see that. But he was trying and that was a big step forward.

 

_I'll stand by you_

_I'll stand by you_

_Won't let nobody hurt you_

_I'll stand by you_

_Take me in, into your darkest hour_

_And I'll never desert you_

_I'll stand by you_

For the first time in a few years, I knew that he would, like he had done this weekend.

 

_And when..._

_When the night falls on you, baby_

_You're feeling all alone_

_You won't be on your own_

Once again, a feeling of strength and courage came over me. I felt a new wave of strength replace what had seeped out of me slowly through the last few days.

 

_I'll stand by you_

_I'll stand by you_

_Won't let nobody hurt you_

_I'll stand by you_

_Take me in, into your darkest hour_

_And I'll never desert you_

_I'll stand by you_

 

The song ended and I found myself smiling, once again encouraged. I hit reply on my phone.

 **From Blaine to Dad:** "Thanks for the song, dad! I love you!"

 **From Dad to Blaine:** "You're welcome, Blaine. I love you too. And I meant it all."

I opened my textbook and started on my homework, but I did with a renewed sense of hope and faith that tomorrow would be better than today.

  
**Author's Note:Don’t forget to read and review.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love comments. I'll keep posting, but I would love to hear from you guys.


	6. Chapter 6-Thomas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine that although his former friends abandon him, those people didn't even know the real "Blaine" anyway. He decides that he needs to start being around people that support him, and do things that bring him joy, which leads to his introduction to Thomas.

 

**Chapter 6-Thomas**

**Author's Note: First I wanted to thank and acknowledge those that have messaged me, reviewed, or favorite this story. I really am glad that you enjoy it.**

 

**Tuesday, September 8, 2009**

**Mr. Spencer- Tuesday Afternoon**

 

I had told Blaine on Monday morning that I would be there for him and I fully intended to be. My sister struggled with her identity and she was much older than Blaine when she came out of the closet. She didn't do it when she lived here in Westerville because she knew it wouldn't be well received. Blaine had a rough day yesterday and I knew that this would be a rough transition.

Quite honestly, I think a lot of the guys were shocked by the discovery that Blaine was gay because Blaine was a pretty masculine guy, a tremendous runner, and in excellent shape. He dressed classy, but not overly so. He got along well with the guys, always giving high fives, pats on the back, and smiles as encouragement. He came off as flirtatious, but he was that way with everyone. I saw him as a natural leader because he was such an optimist, even though he was only a freshman. He did a great job uplifting the guys' spirits. However, he was his own worst enemy as he was driven but also a perfectionist. He would get so upset if he thought he failed his teammates and try over and over. I didn't want to lose him because that quality is golden in an athlete. Blaine listened to my advice, strived to achieve the goals we set, and did it with a great attitude.

Michael was missing that positive attitude. He was a good athlete but hard to coach. I wasn't really looking forward to our talk because Michael had expressed that he would rather quit than be on the team with Blaine. I thought Michael was angry about Blaine's attraction to him and he didn't know how to handle it. I don't think talking is going to fix all that's wrong between them, but I have to try. If I could get them to talk, we could come up with a compromise.

Michael arrived in the locker room first.

"Remember, be honest, but be respectful. I know that you are mad at him, but yelling at him or calling him names isn't going to change him. But maybe we can come up with a way to help make you both more comfortable being on the team together."

"Or what, you're going to get me suspended like you did with Derek?" Michael accused.

"Michael, Derek was suspended for physically attacking Blaine and using bullying language. I will report any instances that I witness, no matter who it comes from, and that includes you," stated Mr. Spencer matter-of-factly.

"I told you yesterday that if he apologizes for embarrassing me and doesn't watch me undress in the locker room, I would try," Michael said

Blaine walked in timidly. I hoped his day was better today than it was yesterday.

"Hey, Anderson, please sit down, son. I think you and Michael need to have a serious conversation," I stated calmly. "Michael, do you have something you want to say to Anderson?"

"Blaine, I'm going to start by saying that I said some things I shouldn't have said. I crossed the line, especially when I punched you, and I shouldn't have told the guys; it wasn't really my business to tell. You just caught me off guard. You were my best friend." Michael cleared his throat. "I guess I just never thought that you could be gay, and it freaked me out. I mean, you've slept over at my house, we change in the same locker room, and you've had romantic feelings for me. I don't know what you expected from me, but I'm straight, man. I just don't know how to act around you anymore. I know I'm going to hurt you when I say this, but I'm just not sure if we are still friends. I think you completely disrespected me when you decided to declare those kinds of feelings in front of everybody. You didn't respect my privacy and my feelings." He lowered his eyes so that he didn't catch Blaine's gaze. "But we are still teammates so I will try to respect you if you respect me."

Blaine raised his eyes toward Michael and then dropped his head immediately back down. For the split second that he showed his expression, I could see shame and regret all over his face. "Michael, I really am sorry. I never meant to make you feel that way or disrespect you. Actually, I never thought I would embarrass you. I didn't think it through; I just acted on my feelings but I promise that I'll never do that again." Tears started to stream down his face. "You're my best friend and I just can't believe I screwed everything up. I understand if you and I aren't friends anymore. I hate that. I will miss your friendship. I know my feelings have been a mess throughout all of this, but I didn't realized that this messed with your feelings, too. I wish I could take this all back."

I felt so bad for Blaine in that moment. His pain and his despair were written all over his face. It made my heart ache so much for him. I patted his shoulder.

Blaine wiped the tears from his eyes. "I really am sorry and I promise to respect you. I hope you can do the same for me. I know that you aren't attracted to me. I will never publically display any feelings or affection toward you again because I don't ever want to do anything to upset you."

"Ok," said Michael. "I do feel that you and I shouldn't change in the same area. I know I'm not the only one that doesn't feel comfortable. "

I spoke up, "Blaine, is that ok with you?"

Blaine nodded. "I can do that. But Michael, I need you to do something as well. Please just tell me the truth. Are you responsible for the dummy in my locker?"

"What dummy? Blaine, I didn't put anything in your locker. I don't know who did."

"Blaine, why don't you hang back and tell me about what happened? I thank you both for being willing to put hard feelings aside and talk everything out." I shook Michael's hand. "Thanks son."

"Blaine, why don't you go to my office?" Blaine got up slowly and walked to my office. "What are you referring to?"

"Yesterday, there was a ventriloquist dummy in my locker with the word FAG carved into it. It had a condom shoved in its mouth and a belt strung around its neck. It honestly scared me to death. It was gone this morning when I checked my locker though."

"Come on Blaine, I think you and I need to go see Mr. Jacobs about this. This is harassment, possibly even a threat, and I wish you would have told me about this yesterday. I know you may not be comfortable talking to the principal about this, but we need to. I'm glad that you told me. Have you told your parents?"

Blaine shook his head. "Not about that, no, but I did tell them about some of the other things that happened yesterday."

"Come on, son. Let's go. I'm really proud of you for the courage you displayed. I know that was difficult for you. I truly respect you, Blaine. Don't ever be afraid of who you are. Remember, there always is going to be people that don't understand and don't like that part of yourself, but as long as you carry your head high and keep that charm about you, I know you will be fine. And remember, you can come talk to me any time that you need to."

"Thank you," Blaine said. "Thank you!"

As we headed down to the principal's office, I reflected over what just happened in the locker room. I truly thought that both boys did a great job staying calm. I had hope that everything would settle down. I wish I would've known at that time that it was the calm before the storm. I wasn't prepared for all that would happen down the line.

 

**T uesday, September 8, 2009**

**Blaine, Westerville Central High**

 

I made it through the entire school day today with a few less tears and a little more confidence than the previous day. I had made up my mind to pay no attention to the gazes and pointing fingers. I knew I needed to develop a thicker skin. I was gay. I was ok with it and I had to stop caring if everyone else was accepting of it. It was part of who I was, but it didn't have to define my whole existence. I wasn't going to allow it to dictate my life. I liked sports, I was going to fight to stay on the teams I was on, and I was going to take some risks that I was afraid to take before.

After third period, I saw the school bulletin board announcing club signups and events. Several things caught my eye. I was just a freshman but there were a few things that I could be part of. The first one that caught my eye was the Glee Club auditions. They would be Thursday afternoon. I loved to sing. My mom and Cooper were very musical. My mom played the piano at church, although we didn't attend church last week due to the chaos last weekend. My brother and I had started doing Community Theater shows since I was five or six years old. Cooper wanted to be an actor when he was in middle school, so mom enrolled us in classes about the same time. After doing quite a few roles, I had gained confidence in myself as a singer and an actor, but we didn't really have any clubs or activities available in middle school. I thought about auditioning for a few gigs at some theme parks this summer, but I had soccer camp and track practice, so I didn't try out. Also, when I mentioned it to the guys, several of them laughed and cracked a comment or two about it being "gay." Well, I was gay, and I didn't care what they thought about that anymore. I wasn't going to let them hold me back from now on, because I didn't want to be bound by what they thought of me.

I wrote my name on the sign-up sheet for the Glee club. I also noticed that they had a fall production of The Wizard of Oz. I wrote my name on that list as well. I figured that I could prepare a piece and use it for both auditions. I looked through some other clubs, but decided that with the teams I was on, that was enough extracurricular activities for now.

Although I loved to sing, I honestly wasn't just signing up for that reason. I thought I needed to open myself to a new group because the people I had considered friends had shown that they weren't really who I thought they were. Maybe that wasn't quite fair; there were a couple people in my concert band that spoke to me today. I just needed to surround myself with the right kinds of people.

Still, I wasn't ready to completely give up on the 'friends' I had. I reasoned that some of them had freaked out. I mean, I was confused about being gay myself not long ago. I'd had so many questions and conflicting thoughts that I started researching for information myself. It turns out that a lot of what I had heard through gossip was stereotypical. I realized that several of my friends were probably as confused about it as I had been.

Maybe I needed to reach out to others that were out of the closet. Unfortunately, there weren't a lot of people here at Central that fit that description. There were a couple of girls, Leslie and Diane, who were seniors, but they stayed to themselves and stayed in trouble. Then there was Thomas.

Thomas was a junior. He was one of those that didn't get a chance to come out of the closet on his own, because it was pretty obvious. When he was in eighth, and he was confronted by a couple of jocks that were teasing him in art class. One of the boys called him gay and he just blurted out "yeah, so, what about it? Why should you care?" When they started making jokes, he responded, "You're just jealous because I never checked you out, and I never will, because I'm not interested in boys that still have their mommas dress them." I had to say I admired that feistiness. I needed to develop that approach myself, so I decided the best way to learn that quality would be from Thomas himself.

At lunch, I grabbed a tray and walked over to the table where Thomas was always sitting. "Um, hey, Thomas."

"Um, hi yourself. Blaine, right? If the rumors are true, you've crossed over to the dark side, right," he said with a little laugh.

I nodded, "yeah, I guess," I said sheepishly.

"Well, welcome to the club! We meet Fridays at dusk and dance around a disco ball. And we have some pretty risqué orgies."

"Um, really?" I scratched my head.

"No, man! Just messin' with you. Lighten up." Tomas chuckled.

"Oh, sorry," I said with a giggle.

"Don't apologize. Don't give anyone any excuse to feel you are ashamed of anything. They prey on that. Sit down. I don't bite, although I do nibble from time to time."

My cheeks turned bright red.

"Hey, I'm kidding. I know I'm not your type, and you're not mine. I like mine tall, dark, and handsome, and you resemble Frodo Baggins in the height department. Although the curls are cute, I like straight hair, just not on straight guys. Honestly, I've been waiting for you to come and talk to me, though."

"Well, all this just happened Saturday."

"You mean, the gay fairy sprinkled you Friday night then?" He joked.

"Well, no! I've known for awhile, but I didn't think anyone else did."

"Blaine, gaydar is not a myth. Besides, I've watch you around the girls, and you have been practically ignoring all the advances. It's pretty funny, actually. You might want to be more discreet about checking out the guys in the lunchroom."

"Was I that obvious?"

"You weren't extremely obvious, but I knew what to look for. I want you to look around the room. Look at the guys at that table there. Watch their body language, look at their clothes, their hair. What do you notice?"

"Um, I don't know! They look normal to me."

"Blaine, look at me and then look at Nathan over there. Any differences?"

"Well, Nathan looks like he just rolled out of bed. He's wearing loose, wrinkled, baggy Wranglers jeans. His hair looks like he ran a comb through it and ran out the door. Slightly wrinkled charcoal gray cotton t-shirt, and a pair of Nike tennis shoes. You, on the other hand, you apparently took some time to get ready this morning. You're wearing a salmon pink polo with a Brooks brother's vest, with a pair of Arizona skinny jeans. And your loafers are nice."

"What are you wearing?"

"A Ben Sherman Sweater, black skinny jeans, and …"

"I'm going to stop you there." Thomas called a sophomore over. "Hey man, what is Blaine wearing today?

"Um, a sweater and some jeans."

"What am I wearing?" he asked.

"Uh, pullover shirt and jeans. The shirt's pink," he muttered. "Why?"

"Nothing, just trying to make a point."

"So you can tell I'm gay by what I'm wearing?"

"No, but you actually checked out Nathan when I asked you." He laughed. "Do you think that guy right there had a clue what kind of jeans we are wearing?"

"Ok, I got your point." I laughed.

"In all fairness, I didn't figure it out immediately. After hearing the gossip, it just confirmed what I thought may be true. You've never really talked to me, so I wasn't sure. But now, there's no doubt in my mind."

"I feel so clueless."

"Hey, there's no handbook out there with a checklist or anything. It's just been my experience, and that will all develop over time. For example, your precious Michael is totally straight."

"Yeah, I know, and I have the bruise to prove it."

"Man, I wouldn't waste my time with the guys here in Westerville. The ones that are gay are so far in the closet, they never see the light of day," said Thomas.

"So there are other gay guys here at our school?" I asked innocently.

"Uh yeah, but don't ask. I'm not for outing anyone, and if they are in the closet, they are probably going to stay there for awhile. Actually, if this hadn't happened, I would've suspected you would've remained there for awhile." He smiled with a quirky grin. "Hey, no offense or anything. Just something I noticed about the athletic ones."

"Uh, none taken, I guess," I said. I finished my lunch. "Well, thanks for talking to me."

"Hey, I noticed you signing up for some things earlier. Are you going to try out for the musical?"

"Yeah, I think so! Why, are you?"

"No, I suck at acting.  I guess I’m so fabulous in real life that pretending to be anyone else is just unrealistic, but I've helped run the lights and worked on the set on the last few musicals, so I guess I'll see you when they start rehearsals."

"Um, ok," I said.

Jenny waved at me and headed in my direction.

"Hey, Jenny," I said as I waved. "What's going on?"

"Not much. Hey, you ready to go to class?"

"Yeah," I said. "Bye, Thomas."

The rest of the day was uneventful until I sat down with Michael and Mr. Spencer. Honestly, I was dreading it. I was so sure that Michael would be defensive and full of venom, like he had been before. I hoped he had calmed down, although he pretty much stated that our friendship was over, which I had already assumed. At least I could remain with the team. I had contemplated resigning from the track team if it really bothered Michael. After Derek was suspended, I thought there might have been some hard feelings. He was one of our star runners.

I was surprised that Michael voiced some reasonable issues and I wasn't going to complain about any of them. I just wanted everything to calm down and I wanted to make things right. He made some valid points. I never really meant to embarrass him; I was trying to be romantic and sweet. I guess I hadn't really considered his viewpoints on the whole thing.

In reflection, I shouldn't have brought up the dummy, even if I had a suspicion that he had something to do with it. After speaking to Mr. Jacobs, I didn't know if we would ever track down the perpetrator. He thanked me for letting him know and he told me that he would see what they could find out. That's basically code for "Sorry son, but you're out of luck." But I left his office with some hope that things were going to get better. I was actually looking forward to Thursday.

 

**Tuesday, September 8, 2009**

**Michael, Blevins Residence**

 

"Hey, Derek! What's up?" Derek had stopped by and I was filling him in on the conversation in the locker room. "So how long are you out?"

"A week. Apparently, the coach heard him hit the locker and a few guys ratted me out."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, my dad doesn't think it will stand. He donates money to the booster programs, and with my brothers being former stars and all, I don't see how it will actually stick." He ran a hand through his hair and chuckled. "It sounds to me like all I have to do is take a few acting classes from you and I may not even have to get my parents involved. Do you really think they bought it?"

"Are you kidding? You know how clueless Blaine has always been. Mr. Spencer doesn't really want be involved in all of this. He just wants the team to get back on track. I bet you could probably convince him to let you back in if you apologize to Blaine."

"Man, I'm not sure I want to damage my rep. I'm just not sure I want people to think I'm sensitive toward that fag. I mean, you could get away with it because you two were friends and he owed you an apology. I don't think people would buy it from me though. Besides, I get out of that place for a week." He chuckled. "So what do you have planned for fairy boy when I get back?"

"Actually, I'm not planning anything yet. I'm waiting for the track and soccer seasons to be over. I really don't want to jeopardize my spot on the teams. I think that they may lax up later, but right now, they are going to be watching a little too closely, especially after Blaine brought up the dummy incident. I think it scared the crap out of him. You should've seen his face."

"Good, that was the intention," he smirked.

"You should've seen him today. He waltzed right over to Thomas, ate lunch with him, and then he signed up for the musical. He really wants to cash in that fag membership card, I guess."

"Well, hey at least he's picking a guy a little more his type. I mean, Queenie will help convert him to full fairy mode before you know it," he laughed. "So, you are just going to let it all go for now?"

"No, I have it all planned out. This isn't over yet. Not by a long shot!"

  
**Author's Note: Ok, I wanted to lighten the mood a little today. I'd love to know what your impression is of Thomas so far. He's going to be fun to write.  I’d love to know your thoughts.**


	7. Chapter 7-My December

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine auditions for Glee Club and his friendship with Thomas grows.

**Chapter 7: Chapter 7: My December**

**Chapter7-My December**

 

 **Author's Note** : I've decided to ignore the setup from the Episode 2009, which must have happened early in the school year in 2009, where Blaine was already in Dalton. It just doesn't match some of the other information, such as when he talked about in Prom Queen, that he had come out not long before a Sadie Hawkins dance. Dalton is a high school, and I just don't know how to set the back story up to have transferred in 8th grade, unless it happened at the end of the year, and he started the school year fresh at Dalton. And honestly, I just didn't want to do that.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, Robert Frost's poem "Stopping by Woods on Snowy Evening" or "My December" By Linkin Park

 

**Thursday, September 10, 2009**

**Blaine- Westerville Central High**

Monday aside, the rest of the week was looking up. Soccer practice was a little awkward, but I think it will just take time. Some of the guys actually said hi or made small talk. I'm not sure if it will go back to the way it was before, but I don't know if I'd even want that. It wasn't really me. It's actually pretty nice to quit living a lie. Today, I needed to head to the track and get in a run. It's not really our season right now. We don't have official practice, but coach likes us to train all year. We're a pretty competitive team, and he doesn't want us to get out of shape. We had a quick meeting and it actually wasn't awkward at all. The guys were relatively quiet, but I didn't see any looks of animosity.

Afterward, I went to the track and ran two miles. I didn't want to get too winded though. The tryout for the Glee Club was at 4:15, and I didn't want to be sweaty and gross. I took a quick shower, got dressed, and made my way to the auditorium. I wanted to do a few warm ups but I really didn't need to. I knew the song I was going to sing backward and forward.

"Blaine Anderson," said Mrs. Davis. "Come on up. Do you need someone to accompany you on the keyboard or anything?"

"Actually, would it be ok if I played along myself?" I knew that if I had to focus on playing the song, I'd probably not get as emotional as I sang. I cleared my throat and began to sing.

 

_This is my December_

_This is my time of the year_

_This is my December_

_This is all so clear_

_This is my December_

_This is my snow covered home_

_This is my December_

_This is me alone_

 

This song made me think of a Robert Frost poem I had read, 'Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening.' At first, the imagery seemed beautiful and peaceful, but then it felt cold and lonely, isolated and even dark.

 

_And I_

_Just wish that I didn't feel_

_Like there was something I missed_

_And I_

_Take back all the things that I said_

_To make you feel like that_

_And I_

_Just wish that I didn't feel_

_Like there was something I missed_

_And I_

_Take back all the things that I said to you_

 

I wished that the situation with Michael hadn't happened, although my regret didn't have anything to do with being outed. That part didn't bother me, but I lost my best friend in all of this. Although Jenny and I were close, and Thomas was a riot, I still couldn't help but feel alone. Cooper had to go back to campus this weekend, and after he left, I knew I'd feel abandoned.

 

_And I'd give it all away_

_Just to have somewhere_

_To go to_

_Give it all away_

_To have someone_

_To come home to_

_This is my December_

_These are my snow covered trees_

_This is me pretending_

_This is all I need_

 

Maybe by joining the Glee Club, music could feel the void, and I'd make some friends out of this as well.

 

_And I_

_Just wish that I didn't feel_

_Like there was something I missed_

_And I_

_Take back all the things that I said_

_To make you feel like that_

_And I_

_Just wish that I didn't feel_

_Like there was something I missed_

_And I_

_Take back all the things I said to you_

 

But I couldn't and I knew that I needed to move on now. I think this is what this song was all about; moving on. I thought about "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. He stood at a crossroads and he took the less traveled path, but it made all the difference in his life. I knew being a gay teen at Central High School was taking the road less traveled. I guess thinking back, I could've denied it, but I'm glad I didn't now.

 

_And I give it all away_

_Just to have_

_Somewhere to go to_

_Give it all away_

_To have someone_

_To come home to_

_This is my December_

_This is my time of the year_

_This is my December_

_This is all so clear_

_Give it all away_

_Just to have somewhere_

_To go to_

_Give it all away_

_To have someone_

_To come home to_

 

It would happen one day. I'd find a friendship, a companion. It may not happen now; it may be a long four years at school, but I wouldn't give up on finding to someone to connect to. Someplace and someone to call home.

I finished playing the song, stood up, and did a slight bow. "Thank you."

"Mr. Anderson," said Mrs. Davis, "that was amazing. Thank you for sharing that with us. Results will be posted tomorrow outside of the choir room, but it's safe to say welcome to Glee Club."

"Thank you! Thank you."

"Did I see your name on the sign-ups for the fall musical, Mr. Anderson?"

"Um, yes, is that ok?"

"Yes, I'm on the committee and I think we would love to have you audition. Thank you, Mr. Anderson."

I walked off the stage, feeling pure joy for the first time in a long time.

 

**Thursday, September 10, 2009**

**Thomas Hendrix- Westerville Central High**

After lunch with Blaine on Tuesday, I thought it'd be nice to have some company, although I meant it when I said that Blaine really wasn't my type. Don't get me wrong, he was a nice looking guy. He did have a slight muscular build, but he was too short and scrawny for my taste. I didn't think we had a lot in common, other than the obvious. However, it didn't mean that I wouldn't welcome a friend.

I wasn't unnecessarily an outcast. I had been out for awhile. Actually, I didn't really need to come out. I guess I was one of those guys that just screamed gay. I denied it for a little while, but then figured that was pointless. I had known I was different from the other boys since I was in second grade, when they all wanted to play basketball and video games, and I wanted to play dolls with the girls. Therefore, the girls became my friends. I did have a few guys that were nice to me, but none I would actually call friends. It would be nice to have another gay guy to possibly hang out with sometimes.

I sat there with my sketchbook, working on sketches for possible backdrops for The Wizard of Oz, and I thought that it was time for a break. I knew Blaine was still around somewhere because he told me his audition was this afternoon. I decided to hang out outside of the auditorium and see if he wanted to go shopping afterwards.

Just a few minutes later, Blaine emerged with a gigantic smile on his face. The audition must've gone well. "Hey Blaine! I just wanted to see your audition went."

"They told me they weren't posting results until tomorrow, but she said that the audition was great and that I should audition for the school play next week. I'm so excited."

"Well, do you have any plans? I need some art supplies and fabric, and I figured maybe you'd like to go shopping. I'll treat you to coffee to celebrate your audition."

"Um, ok. Let me call my mom and let her know where I'm going, but that sounds good. Although I don't really drink a lot of coffee."

 

**Friday, September 11, 2009**

**Jenny- Westerville Central High**

"I got in. I'm in the Glee club! I'm in the Glee Club!" Blaine gave me a hug and then gave Thomas a hug. I think Blaine was excited because the hug lasted for a minute, which was a lot longer than I suspected a typical man hug should last.

"Hey, man, there's this thing. It's called breathing, and being that I like living, I kinda can't live without it," Thomas said with a chuckle.

"Sorry! I'm just really excited!" Blaine said.

I laughed. "I'm proud of you, Blaine. I knew you could do it. I wish I could've been at your audition. Your voice is awesome."

"Thank you. I wish you guys were in there with me. I decided to join because I just wanted a change of scenery. I've been tired of being around jocks all the time. I mean, I know I'm in band, but they are focusing mostly on marching band and a violin just doesn't fit."

"Hey, no judgment here. Just don't expect me to join you. I mean, I like music, but it doesn't like me. My voice is the equivalent of a ferret being attack by an owl," said Thomas.

"Not really sure what that sounds like, but I know I don't want you to demonstrate after that description," I teased.

"Good, cause I wasn't going to."

"You didn't have to come with to check the list, but I appreciate it," Blaine said, looking sincerely at Thomas.

"Are you kidding, miss your reaction? Besides, what kind of friend would I be if I didn't come with after you going on all week about it," smirked Thomas.

"I wasn't that bad," I said with a smile.

"Oh please," Thomas responded with a slight smirk. "You were like...Oh, I can't wait for results to be posted. I'm so excited. It's going to be exciting. I can't wait for…"

"Shut up," Blaine laughed, lightly smacking Thomas on the shoulder.

I stared at them. When did this happen. Did I miss something? "Um guys, do I need to leave, if you totally want this to be a private moment or something? Not that it isn't cute or anything," I said, smiling.

"Jenny, Thomas and I are just friends."

"Blaine, you don't flirt with me like that," I said, "and we're friends."

"Well, Jenny, I could, if you were jealous or something," I said, raising my eyebrows at her.

There was something so comforting in looking at Blaine in that moment. He looked so happy, like the Blaine I had always known, like last weekend was a distant memory. I wasn't sure if Blaine had developed a crush on Thomas or not, because Blaine really did flirt with everybody. But I did know that he was opening himself back up again.

"Well, I've got to go to class," said Thomas. "How about we go out for coffee this weekend, ok?"

"Of course! How about noon Saturday? Text me ok," said Blaine. He waved at Thomas.

"Blaine, I'm happy for you," I said.

"Jenny, seriously, he's not really my type. But it's really nice to have a friend that gets it. I don't mean that you aren't a good friend. It's just that he knows what it's like."

"Just be careful, Blaine." I had seen some of the uncomfortable looks and stares coming from some of the other students in the hallway.

"Jenny, it's ok. Even if I did find someone I liked here, I really don't think I'd try to date anybody while I was here. I just don't think I'd be comfortable." Blaine gave me a little hug.

"Hey Blaine! You've sure lowered your standards. I mean, first you're hanging all over Fairyboy, and now, slutty Mary over there." sneered Stacey. "Talk about a walk of shame."

"Hey, Stace, speaking of shame, I heard Travis is dating Lesley. Wasn't she like your best friend? Maybe you should've been paying attention to him instead of someone who will never in a million years be interested in you."

"Oh please! Like I'd ever be interested in you!"

"So you stick your tongue in everyone's ear then, Stace," I said.

"This coming from the knocked up slut," Stacey smirked.

"Oh, Stace, you forget. I've been in the locker room. You calling someone a slut is certainly the pot calling the kettle black," Blaine smiled and grabbed my hand as we walked toward fifth period.

"So, tomorrow with Thomas? Not a date then?" I asked.

"No, actually you can come along if you want," he offered.

"No, that's ok. I'm just glad that you found someone you could relate to," I said.

"Me too," he said.

"Coffee, though. I didn't think you liked to drink coffee," I said.

"Well, you know, it was time to try something new," he smiled.

 

**Saturday, September 12, 2009**

**Nick Anderson- Anderson Residence**

"Hey son, can you come here?" I said.

"Um, yeah. Is something wrong?" Blaine asked.

"No, I wanted to show you something. Come to the garage with me." He followed me hesitantly. "Well, what do you think?"

"Dad, what's this?"

"This is my new car."

"Does it even run? It doesn't look like it is in good shape," said Blaine.

"It's a great car. It's a '59 Chevy and I thought we could fix it up."

"Um, dad, do you even know how to do that yourself? I mean, you don't even know how to change the oil," Blaine said hesitantly.

"Well, then we will have to just learn together. I mean, I really need to learn, and so do you. All men need to know routine vehicle maintenance. Especially being that you will be sixteen in less than a year. This leads me to a proposition. Help me fix this car, and you can have mine."

"The mustang! Dad, are you serious?" Blaine wrapped his arms around me. "But dad, I still don't know if we are capable of making this thing run."

"Oh ye of little faith! Come on, son. We can do this."

"Ok, but if you end up in a body cast, I still get the car," Blaine said with a goofy grin.

"Well, let's just start slowly, ok. I've got a manual right here and I think we should just get acquainted with the basic parts of the car before we actually start to get our hands dirty."

"Ok, dad. I guess I could try."

"So, you seem happy. Is school going better?" Blaine and I had been talking a lot more lately. I noticed that he seemed happier as the week progressed and he had been getting home later.

"Yeah, I made it in the Glee club yesterday."

"The Glee club? Um, son, I'm worried that with band, track, soccer, and your grades, you might be overextending yourself. Is that where you were Thursday night?"

"Dad, I really love to perform and I'm really good. Mrs. Davis asked me to audition for the school musical and I'm going to next Tuesday."

"Son, I'm serious about overextending yourself."

"Well, dad, I'm thinking about dropping out of soccer."

"What! But I thought you enjoyed soccer?"

"No, dad, you like soccer. I'll stay in Track, because it's something I really enjoy, and Mr. Spencer has been so supportive and helpful this week. The guys haven't really been weird or anything about me being gay, but it's not as easy in soccer. I still get a lot of awkward looks and one or two of the guys are still giving me a hard time."

"Son, there are scholarships available for athletes that you could earn from your sports, and it looks good to be part of a team on college applications."

"Ok dad, first, I'm not quitting track. That's still a sport and I'm one of his best runners. In soccer, I only joined to help build stamina with running. It just isn't me anymore. Glee Club is a team, too. They compete and there are scholarships for the arts, too. Besides, dad, you've had a college fund for me since before I could walk. I didn't really think a scholarship was something I necessarily had to get."

"Son, I really don't want you to quit soccer."

"Well, dad, you told me that you wanted me to be happy, and soccer just doesn't bring me any joy anymore. I'm not sure that it ever did. I mean, Cooper played football, but I'm too small for that. I stink at basketball and you see how short I am. Let's just face it; I'm not really the sporty type. I joined soccer for you, dad. I wanted us to have something to talk to about, but I'm still in track, and with this mechanic stuff, I think we will. Please dad, can I let soccer go?"

"Um, yeah, just don't drop track, ok son. I love our runs together. Oh, I just wanted you to be aware that I realize you didn't answer my question earlier about where you were on Thursday."

"I went for coffee with a friend, dad," Blaine said calmly.

"Since when do you drink coffee, son?"

"Since Thursday, dad."

Just then, I heard a horn honk in the driveway. I walked toward the door as I saw Blaine reach for his jacket.

"Dad, I'm going to go for some coffee with a friend."

"Wait, Blaine, what friend? I didn't think Jenny should be drinking coffee."

"Well, how about you meet him."

I sputtered, "Him? Blaine, are you dating someone, because I am not really comfortable with that."

"Dad, Thomas is just a friend!"

"So was Michael, but you see what happened there!"

"You know what, dad! Forget it. I don't know why I thought things would be different," Blaine screamed. Then he stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

**Saturday, September 12, 2009**

**Thomas Hendrix- See You Latte Cafe**

Sitting in the local coffee shop with an irate Blaine was not really what I had imagined for a Saturday afternoon, but I could tell that he really needed someone to listen to him. Apparently, he and his dad had some real issues.

"I mean, first, he was saying something about wanting to build a car with me and give me his mustang and then he was kind of freaking out about me wanting to quit soccer."

"Why do you want to quit soccer?"

"Because I don't really like playing it. I only joined because dad wanted me in more sports. But sports are his thing, not mine. And the car thing, it's not really either of our things. Honestly, I think that he believes that getting my hands dirty might make me straight."

"Blaine, chill out. At least your dad is trying and he's around. Mine punched me when I blurted out that I was gay, and then mom left him. I haven't seen him since, being that he was screaming that I was a disgusting faggot. I screamed back that he was a drunken, insolent, homophobic imbecile. Then he threw a picture frame at me. Fortunately for me, he can't hit squat when he's drunk. Honestly, I don't know why that offended him. I can't imagine that he even knew what any of those words meant. Mom's been dating a guy for awhile now, Roger, and he doesn't seem to care too much. He kind of ignores me, but at least he's never hit me or anything."

"Wow! I guess it could always be worse. Thomas, I'm glad that you are here. It's nice to talk to someone else that gets it."

"Blaine, I do get it. I've been there. I don't mind listening to you, but I hope you will sit down with your dad later and try to smooth things over. You were pretty steamed when you got into my car."

"I know, but it's best for me to walk away before I say something I don't mean. I have a bit of a temper when I get angry. Actually, I think I inherited it from him," he chuckled lightly. "I mean, he really wants me to build a car with him?"

"Yeah, heaven forbid you get some grease on that head and actually tame that wild mane of yours."

"Hey, you like that wild mane of mine," Blaine shot back playfully.

"Um, no! There's no telling how many baby mice are currently lost in that rat's nest of yours. Haven't you ever heard of something called hair gel?"

"Hmmm. Hair gel! I never thought of that. I might just give that a try!"

  
**Author's Note** : As always I'd love reviews and suggestions. Thank you for reviews and feedback.  It really motivates me to write


	8. Ch 8-Over the Rainbow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sept 13- Sept 16- Blaine auditions for "The Wizard of Oz"

**Chapter 8: Chapter 8: Over the Rainbow**

**Chapter 8 Over the Rainbow**

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, The Wizard of Oz, or any of Robert Frost poems.

 

**Sunday, September 13, 2009**

**Cooper - Westerville Central High**

I was so glad that I could be there to support my little brother, but school started this week.  I needed to get back to LA.  However, I felt optimistic that Blaine would be ok.  . He was so excited for making the Glee Club, and he was auditioning for the Fall production of "The Wizard of Oz." But I knew that the play wasn’t the only reason that things had turned around for Blaine.  He had a new friend.  

I met Thomas after Blaine returned home Saturday afternoon. He sure was a spunky kid, but I liked him immediately. I was so proud of Blaine, but they way he turned things around were just like him. Blaine never looked back. He focused on the positives and kept moving forward. And even if he had a rough time, he always believed that the best was always around the corner.

"Hey, buddy, you better call me Tuesday and let me know how your audition went. Which part are you reading for? I bet it's a munchkin, right," I chuckled. Blaine swatted at my head and smiled.

"Just for that, I'm not telling you!"

"Whatever you say, munchkin! Break a leg, man. And hang in there with dad. He really is trying. But you quitting soccer and bringing home a guy in one day was just too much for him. You put the old man's brain in overdrive. And speaking of overdrive, I do not envy you at all trying to put that Chevy together, I chuckled. I mean, between you and him, that thing may never see the light of day again."

"You say that like you can do something to a car besides putting gas in it."

"Touché' " I laughed. It's going to be alright. I'm so proud of you for the courage you've shown this week. You taught me the meaning of bravery, buddy. We gave each other a hug. Mom and dad had already said their goodbyes so that I could have a moment alone with Blaine.

 

**"Now, boarding flight United 127 to Los Angeles."**

 

"Hang in there buddy, and call me when you find out about your audition. Or just call me after your audition. And if you don't, I'll suggest dad take up rock climbing with you."

"Don't you dare! Good luck with your audition as well. I'll miss you Coop!"

"I'll miss you too! I guess you better not leave the parental waiting. And I know you must now go get coffee with your precious Thomas," I said batting my lashes and him and smiling.

"Shut up," Blaine muttered as he blushed.

"Why you blushing, man. Do you like Thomas?"

"No, he's just my friend. Now get on that plane and stop being nosy."

"But that's my brotherly duty. Alright man, I'll see you later." I hugged him once more and headed toward gate.

 

**Tuesday, September 15, 2009**

**Blaine- Afternoon, Westerville, Central High**

My stomach had been full of butterflies all day. But I had practiced over and over. First, I had to sing a song, and then I had to read a monologue. I had written on my form that I was interested in several parts, but I really wanted only one part.

I stepped on the stage and swallowed my nerves. I had this. Thomas and Jenny had heard the song about 20 times in the tree house last night, until finally my dad told them to go home.

"Mr. Anderson, we're ready for you." Mrs. Davis grinned at me and whispered something to the drama teacher, Mr. Denson.

I grabbed my guitar and stepped on stage. "Hi, I'm Blaine, and I'd like to audition with a song a Dorothy song as made popular again by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole. I start to strum the guitar, and then I just let the words escape my lips gently, as I reflect over the lyrics.

 

_Somewhere over the rainbow_

_Way up high_

_And the dreams that you dreamed of_

_Once in a lullaby_

_I reflect over the dreams I have, big dreams, possibly unreachable, unrealistic, but not unobtainable because I am unwilling to believe that they can't be reached._

_Somewhere over the rainbow_

_Blue birds fly_

_And the dreams that you dreamed of_

_Dreams really do come true ooh oh_

 

Dreams of Broadway, New York, one day marrying the man of my dreams, my father actually understanding me and accepting me for the way I am and not trying to change me, being seen for who I am and not just by who I'm attracted to. Big dreams, but not impossible.

 

_Someday I'll wish upon a star_

_Wake up where the clouds are far behind me_

_Where trouble melts like lemon drops_

_High above the chimney top_

_That's where you'll find me_

_Oh, somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly_

_And the dream that you dare to,_

_Oh why, oh why can't I?_

 

I'll never quit dreaming, because I refuse to believe it can't happen. Call me a hopeless optimist, a romantic, a wishful sap, but I don't care. I rebuff being limited by others' fears and insecurities. I resist the idea that I'm limited anyone by what others' think or believe. My opinions and thoughts matter too, especially to me, and I am not willing to accept anyone else's plans for my life. I dare to dream.

 

_Well I see trees of green and red roses too,_

_I'll watch them bloom for me and you_

_And I think to myself_

_What a wonderful world_

_Well I see skies of blue_

_And I see clouds of white_

_And the brightness of day_

_I like the dark_

_And I think to myself_

_What a wonderful world_

 

_The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky_

_Are also on the faces of people passing by_

_I see friends shaking hands_

_Singing, "How do you do?"_

_They're really singing, "I, I love you."_

 

_I hear babies cry and I watch them grow,_

_They'll learn much more than we'll know_

_And I think to myself_

_What a wonderful world world_

 

I think about the lines in the song about the babes that play  about babies crying and learning about the world.  What would they learn from the legacy I leave behind? We would the learn to contain their passion and fears inside, or allow them to soar, roam free even at the risk of disapproval of others. I had concealed myself, my feelings, my dreams for so long, that now they were bursting through, refusing to be contained and longer, almost having a life of their own. And who was I to fight against them any longer.

My confidence started to grow, and my voice soared with it. I really poured out my heart, and sang all that I was feeling, so that it spilled out on the stage in front of all of those watching. An uncontrollable waterfall of tears streamed from my eyes as I sang the final lines.

 

_Someday I'll wish upon a star_

_Wake up where the clouds are far behind me_

_Where trouble melts like lemon drops_

_High above the chimney top_

_That's where you'll find me_

 

Finally free from my own fears of failure and loneliness, from others' hate or disapproval, from self-doubt and my own repressed thoughts. In this moment, the chains broke, and I was freed.

 

_Oh, somewhere over the rainbow way up high_

_And the dream that you dare to, why oh, why can't I?_

 

If the birds are willing to soar, than so am I. Why should they be the only ones with the view, with the ability to live a dream. And my dreams in this moment are so clear. That no matter who tried to clip my wings, tried to hold me back, I'd never stop beating my wings to soar above the rainbow. As the song finished, tears were falling freely down my cheeks, but I felt a wave of peace and contentment.

"Bravo! Bravo! Mr. Anderson, the panel gushed as they all rose to their feet in a standing ovation. "That was beautiful," gushed Mrs. Davis. Do you mind to enlighten us where all that passion came from?

"That song just means a lot to me," I respond simply, although the thoughts in my mind are anywhere for simple, yet they had never been more clear. Being on a stage performing was my passion, and I was never going to stifle it again.

They asked me to read my monologue, so I read my prepared piece with a calm and confidence that I had yet to feel in my fifteen years. I had the brain, I had the heart, I needed the courage to make it all happen. And once I found all of that, I would have my home, the stage.

 

**Tuesday, September 15, 2009**

**Pam Anderson, Anderson Residence**

The living room door slammed, and Blaine ran through the door and embraced me tightly, with a gaze of pure joy. He was more elated than I had ever seen him.

"How was your audition?' I asked, but I could tell that it went well.

"Mom, it was amazing. I got a standing ovation from all of the people there. Granted it was only five people, but Mr. Denson said it was the best audition he's ever had, and he's been putting on productions for more than 15 years." He actually came and talked to me after the audition and asked if I had ever done Community Theater or performed professionally. I told him about the plays I have been in, and he was really impressed. He's actually seen a few that Cooper and I had been in. He said he had contacts at Six Flags and Cedar Point, and he could possibly get me an audition for summer gigs." Blaine was gushing.

"Blaine, that really is amazing news. I am so proud of you, but I always knew you were an amazing performer. Do you know what part you might get?"

"Mom, I was asked outright which part I wanted, and they said it was mine. You are looking at the Cowardly Lion."

 

**Monday, September 14, 2009**

**Nick Anderson-Dr. Blevins’ Office**

"Hi, I'm Dr. Blevins. You must be the Anderson family," he said as he extended his hand to me.

"Hello, I'm Nick. This is my wife, Pam, and this is Blaine."

"It's nice to meet you all today. First, I just wanted to tell you about me. I got my medical license 25 years ago, but I started out in family medicine. I did that for about 6 years, until I realized that my favorite part of the job was talking to the patients. I worked part time as I went back to school to get my certifications in psychology."

"Today, we are going to have short sessions, and I would just like to meet each of you individually," he said. "Who'd like to go first?"

My mom stepped forward. "Alright, I could tell you were a smart lady. Now you get to tell me all their deepest flaws and issues, so that I seem all perceptive when it's their turn," he chuckled. "Gentlemen, Meagan will show you back to the lobby as I chat with Pam here."

Blaine and I returned to the lobby. I walked over to the coffee pot and poured myself a cup of coffee. To my surprise, Blaine joined me, pouring himself a cup.

"Blaine, do you think you should be drinking that? You might stunt your growth. I mean, I figure you should eventually get another growth spurt."

"Dad, are you calling me short? You know I'm only a few inches shorter than you."

"True. Us Anderson men just aren't typically tall, but we make up for that in strength and stamina." Dad rubbed his chin and made eye contact. "When did you start drinking coffee?"

“Last week, dad! Thomas and I went to a coffee shop, and I discovered that it didn't taste as bad as I thought."

"So, tell me about this new friend of yours."

"Thomas?"

"Yeah. Did you meet him in Glee Club?"

"No. I kind of reached out to me last week when no one else wanted to talk to me."

"Is he, you know, um, gay like you?"

"Yeah, dad!"

"You two aren't dating, are you?"

"No, dad. We are just friends."

"Just promise me to keep it that way, Blaine. Things have seemed to calm down a little, but I think that you seeing a boy might stir everybody back up. Ok, son?"

"Ok, sir."

"Mr. Anderson, I'm ready for you. Blaine, can you just hang out here for a little longer?"

I went back into Dr. Blevins' office.

"Nicolas, I asked your wife to join us for a few minutes. I need you to tell me the reason you decided to call me, in your own words."

"Well, Blaine revealed to us last week that he believes that he is gay. I just don't know what to do with this information." Dr. Blevins nodded slowly.

"Pam, could you tell Nick here what you told me is your reason for coming."

"Well, darling, I know that this is something that you aren't comfortable with. I'm afraid that you and Blaine will grow even further apart."

"Darling, I'm really trying with this. But I can't help to believe that part of this is an act of rebellion. I feel like he's starting to pull away from us. You've noticed that he's started to dress differently. He's hanging out with new people and this Thomas kid is gay. Maybe he's putting ideas in Blaine's head."

"Well, Mr. Anderson, I appreciate your honesty, which is the only way I can really help. Mrs. Anderson, why don't you go back out to the lobby and join Blaine? Meagan will call for you when we are ready to reconvene together."

"Ok, so Nick, tell me how Blaine's sexuality makes you feel."

 

**Tuesday, September 15, 2009**

**Cooper- On the Phone**

"Hey Munchkin, what's going on there in the land of Oz?"

"Very funny, Coop. I just wanted to let you know how the audition went."

"How did it go? What song did you sing? What part did you read for? I still think you'd make a great munchkin. Do you know if you got the part yet? What did they say when you finished? When are the performances? You know you better save a ticket for me."

"Coop, you know that I can only answer one question at a time right," Blaine said. "So I'm just going to start at the beginning," He cleared his throat. "I sang a mash-up of 'Somewhere over the Rainbow' and 'What a Wonderful World'"

"Wait," I interrupted, "you auditioned for Dorothy?"

"No, there's a beautiful version of it sang by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole, a Hawaiian guy, and it's beautiful. It's been in a few movies. After I sang, Mr. Denson said it was the best audition he's had from a student since he started with the drama department. And they gave me a standing ovation. It was really amazing, Coop! I've never enjoyed anything as much in my whole life. I was able to just forget everything and everything else. Afterward, Mr. Denson said that he could possibly get me an audition for a series of shows at Six Flags this summer. He also said that he remembered me from some of the community theater shows that we have done in the past. Coop, I'm just so excited."

"Munchkin, that's great! So what part did you get, or do you have to wait until they post the results?"

"Actually, they offered me the part right on the spot."

"What's the part?"

"Oh, you're talking to the Cowardly Lion!"

"Really, I figured you would've auditioned for the Wizard."

"Actually, I choose the Cowardly Lion because of you, Coop!"

"Really, why?"

"Think about it, Coop. Remember what you told me last week; I already have brains and a heart, but I was lacking in courage. It felt so natural reading that dialogue when I was practicing last week."

"So, when is the show? You know that when I come down for break, I'd love to practice lines with you," offered Cooper.

"Well. Of course you will. The show is in 6 weeks and I really just can't wait," said Blaine excitedly. "How did your audition go?"

"You are talking to a guy who got a callback for Suspect Number 2 for a future episode of Cold Case. Right now, that's all I know."

"Hey, I love that show. It's one of the few crime dramas I actually watch. The music and flashbacks and the stories are awesome. And I love all the music."

"Yeah, sure, Blaine. We both know that what you really love is Detective Valens." I smirked.

"Hey, Danny Pino is pretty hot! If you get the part, you better get his autograph for me, got it!"

"Yeah, I'm just supposed to go up to one of the stars of the show and say, excuse me, but my gay brother thinks you're hot and would love your autograph or possibly your phone number?"

"Uh, no. You don't say it like that. You know what? I really do need to give you lessons on how to be suave."

"Well, Lollipop Kid, I got to go, but I'm very proud of you. Hey, wait! How did therapy go?"

"Basically, dad told me how he felt about me being gay, and I told him that wasn't going to change. I don't think he was very pleased by my response."

"It probably didn't help that Thomas picked you up shortly after that. Dad loves you Blaine, but he's just not ready yet to embrace all these changes yet."

"Yeah, but Coop, he truly does believe that all of this is a form of teenage rebellion, and it is somehow related to my joining the Glee Club and meeting Thomas."

"Did you tell him about your audition today?" I asked.

"Um, no. You know what he thinks about musicals. He was pretty upset the other day when I told him I was quitting soccer and joining Glee Club instead."

"Just give him some time. I'll call you later this week, ok."

"Bye, Coop!" said Blaine.

I hung up the phone. I was so proud and happy for Blaine. After all that he went through last week, he deserved to be happy. He was finally allowing himself to be Blaine and not cater to everyone else's ideas of who he should be. I understood why he wanted that role, although he was turning into one of the most courageous guys I've ever met.

 

**Tuesday, September 15, 2009**

**Thomas and Blaine (text)**

**Blaine to Thomas:** "Hey Tom, can you talk right now?"

**Thomas to Blaine:** "Um, I'm eating dinner and mom has a no texting rule at the table. Then I have a history paper to finish typing tonight."

**Blaine to Thomas:** "Oh :) Ok! I guess I'll talk to you at lunch tomorrow. :) :) :)"

**Thomas to Blaine:** "Hey, how about I'll come and pick you up in the morning for school?"

**Thomas to Blaine:** " You can tell me all about the audition. I pass your neighborhood on the way to school. :)"

**Blaine to Thomas:** "Sure. What time do I need to be ready?"

**Thomas to Blaine:** "6:50ish"

**Thomas to Blaine:** "I promise you'll have my full attention in the morning ok?"

**Blaine to Thomas:** "You mean, I don't usually have your full attention? :("

**Thomas to Blaine:** " :*( Awe Poor Blainers! I bet you're pouting right now!"

**Blaine to Thomas:** ":( :( :("

**Thomas to Blaine:** "Alright, quit whining or I'll let you take the bus."

**Blaine to Thomas:** "See you tomorrow, Tom!"

**Wednesday, September 16, 2009**

**Thomas, The Anderson Residence**

I arrived at Blaine's house right at 6:50, and Blaine was already waiting for me by the garage door.

"So, you are now looking at the best ever Cowardly Lion!" Blaine said enthusiastically. He beamed his perfect smile at me.

"Well, normally I would say you have the mane for it, but I guess you took me seriously when I suggested the hair gel," I said with a smile.

"What, does it look alright? Did I use enough?"

"I guess I should've mentioned that you can usually get more than one application out of the entire bottle. I thought at first that you and your dad had changed the oil in that old car last night, and you slipped and fell in."

Blaine slipped his seatbelt off and grabbed the door handle. "Oh, I couldn't get it to hold very well with just a little. Let me go wash it out."

I hit the door locks. "Uh uh! I was just kidding, B! I like it. It really suits you."

Blaine's face lit up with a smile, and without that hair in his face, I could really see his whole face illuminate. I was so proud of Blaine. He wasn't the boy that I met at lunch last Tuesday. This one had a lot of spunk and nerve; he had really come out of his shell, and I was so glad. For the first time in my life, I actually had a friend.

The transformation wasn't just in his confidence. He was making much bolder statements with his style, too. This morning, he was wearing a fitted, black polo shirt, a red and black bow tie, and red skinny jeans with a pair of red Sketchers. He looked hot!

Wait, what! Blaine, hot? I had always thought he wasn't quite my type, but I was seeing him in a new light. That smile, that straight, slicked back black hair, those triangular eyebrows, and those honey colored eyes. Yes, he was short, but it worked for him. It just made him even more adorable.

Blaine was talking about the audition, and I had only caught part of it. I needed to focus.

"Mr. Denson said it was the best audition he had in over 15 years, at least at the high school level."

"That's great, Blaine. I bet you sounded amazing. You certainly did Monday night."

"Thanks! I'd never felt so free, so uninhibited. I just felt like I could truly be myself on that stage. It was like, for the first time in my life, I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I want to be a performer on Broadway!"

"I think you could do it too, B! You are really amazing." I blushed. I didn't mean to say it like that. "Your talent, I mean. You have a real stage presence on you. I worked on quite a few sets now, and I have seen some actors that had it and some that didn't, but I think it is that quality that makes or breaks the performance. And you just have it, B!" I pulled into my parking spot and turned off the ignition. "You are extremely talented, and I'm glad you finally found what you were looking for." My eyes caught his, and I couldn't quit staring.

He looked intently at me for a moment, and then he wrapped his arms around my neck. "Thanks, T! You're the best! You know, last week wasn't so bad after all. Would you walk with me to class? Your class is on the way to mine. So T, do you want to be a set designer when you graduate?"

"Yeah, that's my dream! I've been working on sets since I was 9. My mom is an interior designer and she has helped the community theater for years. She'd let me come and help her, especially after dad took off."

"When do you start working on the set for "The Wizard of Oz?" Blaine asked.

"Actually, I already have. I've sketched a rough draft of most of the sets in my book here and I started designing some of the basic props at home. Mom and I just started the backdrop for Oz this weekend!"

"Really, I'd love to see it, T!"

"Well, I can't really move it until it's complete, but you are welcome to come and see it. How about we stop for coffee after school? Then you can come and look. I could even help you finish your homework after. I don't think mom would mind you coming over and staying for dinner." I looked up at him, and he grinned. "I mean, you don't have to," I said sheepishly.

Blaine stopped walking and he placed his hand on my arm. "T, that sounds great. Shall we?" He linked his arm through mine.

I blushed. Was he flirting? No, that's just Blaine. He was a very touchy, feely person. That was just his flirty personality taking over. He was my friend, and we needed to remain just that. Anything deeper than that would just be complicated around here.

That's when I saw the foot shoot out, and Blaine tripped. He went down first, and I went down right on top of him.

"Oh, shame you couldn't catch yourselves boys," snarled Carl. "Maybe if your arms were free, you would've been able to. Hope you had a nice trip, ladies."

Blaine brushed himself off quickly and reached his hand out to me. I took it as he helped me to my feet, but then I quickly released his hand and dodged into my first period class. "See you at lunch, Blaine."

I walked into class with a feeling of nervousness. Things were changing for Blaine and I, and I wasn't sure what to do. I longed for his friendship. It was already too hard to go back to not knowing each other. In that short span of time, Blaine had already nestled a place in my life, and now possibly my heart. Denying that wasn't going to be easy.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: As always, I'd love to hear what you think. Thanks for reading.
> 
> Stephanie


	9. Chapter 9-You've Got a Friend in Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine and Thomas have a movie night, and things go a little differently than planned.

**Chapter 9: You've Got a Friend in Me**

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of the characters.

 

**Wednesday, September 16, 2009**

**Thomas Hendrix, Hendrix Residence**

**"** Mom," I called out. "Mom! She must not be home yet.  Then I saw the note on the counter.

 

**Son won't be home til late. I've got a date with Roger. Call me if you need me. There's leftover casserole in the fridge.**

**Love,**

**Mom**

 

"My mom's on a date. I wanted you to meet her. Are you hungry? There's a casserole in the fridge."

"What kind of casserole?" Blaine asked inquisitively.

"Um, not sure. My mom's not really the best cook."

Blaine chuckled. "It's ok. I'm not really hungry now. I want to look at your sketches and the model."

"The model is in the basement. And then, we can go to my room and look at my sketchbook."

I showed him the model, and his mouth dropped open.

"Thomas, you did this!"

"Well, actually, my mom and I did. She's really good."

"So are you! I'm impressed. If the whole set looks like this, the play will be awesome.  It was a backdrop for the yellow brick road, and it was stunning.  The bricks even had the appearance that they were gleaming in the sunlight.  “I want to see the rest of your plans." He grabbed my hand. "Lead the way."

We walked into my bedroom, and I reluctantly handed him my sketchbook. I never really showed it to anyone before, except my mom.

"So, what do you think, B?" I asked as he was looking over my sketch book. We were sitting on my bed, a few inches apart. "Do you think they will work for the play?"

"This really is amazing!" Blaine patted my back. "But is six weeks enough time. I mean this is really detailed, and you are one person. I'd help, but I draw like you sing, apparently."

“Actually, the Art Club and Building Trades class are coming together to help build the sets. My mom is also helping me with some of the other props, like the tornado. I'm just the lead designer. You know, what you were talking about this morning, like feeling like you're home on stage, that's how I feel when I am on set looking at something that I designed, that I created. It's like no feeling in the world. It's my happy place, and no one can take that away from me."

"T, I'm so glad that we became friends.” Blaine touched my arm. "You've really helped me find myself. I was the guy everyone else wanted me to be. I was surrounded by people all the time, but I felt so alone.  Then, everything happened, and there you were. My friends were all gone, well except Jenny, and I was so scared. I knew that I should just be myself, but I didn't know how to do it. And then, you decided to talk to me."

"Actually, B, you reached out to me. You didn't really know anything about me, but you walked up to me on your own initiative and took a chance that I would talk to you. You said you needed courage, but it took courage to walk over to me that day. I'm glad you did it, but I guess I wonder what made you do it."

"It's because I admired you.” His honey colored eyes were focused attentively at me. "You really seem like don't care what anyone thinks of you. I never really realized how much I envied you. You were so free, so spirited, so unafraid and confident. And I was in the closet, not just about being gay, but about everything. I was tired of it. I guess I just wanted you to teach me that.  You helped me become more free."

"Blaine, you are finding all of that now. I'm so proud of you, but I don't know how much I had to do with it. I mean, you said yourself that performing is what makes you happy. That's what brought your new found confidence out, not me. And if I'm not mistaken, you decided to sign up for Glee club and the musical on your own. I didn't tell you to do it. Blaine, you already had it there. You didn't need me."

Blaine put his hand on my knee. "But, I did. I wouldn't have followed through with the audition. Mom and Coop both encouraged me to be strong, but you noticed I had signed up and you encouraged me, and knowing that you might work on the musical, I figured I might have a friend with me. I know we weren't really friends yet, but you immediately just befriended me, no questions asked.  You showed up after my audition. You were there for me. It was so nice to have your support. I guess I am just was saying thanks." His hand was still on my knee, and his eyes were transfixed on mine.

"Blaine," I said hesitantly. "I envied you too! I've been an outcast. Being an independent person has its price. I may have seemed confident, but I was lonely too. I was there after your audition, to be supportive. Yes, but I also was being a little selfish. I spent a lot of time by myself, and you were willing to go shopping and get coffee with me. Nobody has done anything like that for me, made me feel like I was worth something. I guess I felt like the guy in Desert Places….

 

**"They cannot scare me with their empty spaces**

**Between stars - on stars where no human race is.**

**I have it in me so much nearer home**

**To scare myself with my own desert places."**

 

"Blaine, I didn't worry about what others thought, because my own opinion of myself was probably lower than theirs. I'm not sure that's confidence."

"Thomas, did you just quote Robert Frost to me? I know what it's like to doubt your worth, and I want to tell you, neither one of us will ever let each other do it again. I don't want you to ever feel like that again." Blaine put his arm around me and gave me a hug.

I leaned in and wrapped my arms around him too, but I quickly released him. This had to stay platonic. It had too. "Hey, care for a movie?"

"What were you thinking?" he smiled.

I turned around I grabbed the blue case. "Toy story, anybody."

"Really, T! How did you know that's one of my favorite movies."

"I heard you humming You've got a friend in me at the coffee shop."

And then raised his eyebrows and started in singing:

 

_You've got a friend in me_

_You've got a friend in me_

_When the road looks rough ahead_

_And you're miles and miles_

_From your nice warm bed_

_You just remember what your old pal said_

_Boy, you've got a friend in me_

_Yeah, you've got a friend in me_

 

_Blaine really had become my best friend._ Even in this short time, I just really enjoyed spending time with him. He was so optimistically happy, and being around him just cheered me up. He was also incredibly sappy. But, that was kind of endearing.

Blaine came next to me, and draped his hand over my shoulder. Come on T! Sing it with me."

"Uh, trust me buddy, this would work better as a solo."

Blaine took my hands and we danced around the room.

 

_You've got a friend in me_

_You've got a friend in me_

_You've got troubles, and I've got 'em too_

_There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you_

_We stick together and can see it through_

_'Cause you've got a friend in me_

_You've got a friend in me_

 

He smiled at me, and his eyes lit up. I put my head down, because I knew I was blushing again. But being any more than friends would cause him all kinds of trouble. He got pushed around and teased a little last week, but he has mostly been left alone, given the cold shoulder by some of the other students. But if we started dating, he would get all kinds of crap from the guys on the track team or worse. Plus, he said it earlier. What he needed was a friend. And I was determined to do that for him.

I let go of his hands and grabbed the DVD and put it in the DVD player. I went and sat down on the bed. He continued to dance around the room.

 

_Some other folks might be_

_A little bit smarter than I am_

_Bigger and stronger too, maybe_

_But none of them will ever love you_

_The way I do, it's me and you, boy_

_And as the years go by_

_Our friendship will never die_

_You're gonna see it's our destiny_

_You've got a friend in me_

_You've got a friend in me_

_You've got a friend in me_

 

Blaine plopped down backwards on my bed and scooted up toward the headboard. He motioned for me to scoot next to him.

"Popcorn. I'm going to go make some popcorn and some coffee. Go ahead and start watching the movie. I'll be back in a few minutes.”

When I got back into the room, Blaine had gotten under the covers, taken his shoes off and removed his sweater.

"Wow, I didn't even have to tell you to get comfortable, did I,” I giggled.

"Sorry, I didn't want to lay in bed with my shoes on. I'm not making you uncomfortable, am I?"

"No, no, not at all!" I lied. Blaine was in my bed wrapped in the covers, and I realized that I had a flow blown crush on him.

"Then, get over here with me and share that popcorn."

I scooted up next to him on the bed. The next thing I know, he close the gap and scooted right next to me.

"I'm sorry, mom says I'm a cuddler. Is that ok?"

"Yeah, it's ok, Blaine.

He laid his head on my shoulder. My heart was racing, but I was determined to keep it all to myself.

I heard Blaine chuckle when Woody told "Mr. Lightbeer" to prove he could fly. And I snuggled close to him. He wrapped an arm around me.

 

**Wednesday, September 16, 2009**

**Blaine, Hendrix Residence**

I woke up. The tv screen was frozen on the Toy story menu. I felt an arm draped over me. An ankle brushed up against my leg.  Thomas was cuddled next to me, and he was adorable. His blonde hair hanging in his face, his thin frame cuddled against me. I brushed his hair out of his face. He felt so warm. I checked my pocket watch.

"Crap, Thomas" It's 9:30. I have to get home. My parents are probably freaking out. My curfew is nine.

"Huh! Thomas jerked up! I'm sorry B! I guess we both fell asleep." He rubbed his eyes groggily. "Come on. I'll get you home."

I grabbed my sweater, and put my shoes back on. I grabbed my cell phone. I had 5 missed calls.  The last one was from dad.  I also had a voicemail from his number.  I dreaded hearing what it had to say, but I reluctantly pushed play.

**"Son, this is dad. It's getting late, and it's a school night. "You need to get home, now!"**

I texted mom, and let her know I was on my way.

"Blaine, I'm sorry!” Thomas said as he grabbed his keys. He locked his front door and we sprinted to his car.

"Hey, it's ok." I put my arm around his shoulder. Then, I fastened my seatbelt. "Let's just get me home as soon as we can. Maybe I won't get grounded. I'm going to have to give them an excuse. I can't tell them I feel asleep in your bed, especially dad!"

"Just tell him we were running lines for the play."

"I haven't told him about the play yet, I said as my head dropped. Dad's not cool with that. He knows I'm in Glee club, but he isn't really cool with it yet. He isn’t really cool with me having a gay friend either. He warned me not to get romantically involved with you."

"B, calm down. Like, I said, you aren't really my type. I mean, I'm going to have to go home and wash my pillow, now that mine is saturated with hair gel,” he giggled.

"You like the gel, and you know it," I said as I gently pushed his shoulder.

"Look, I'll come in and tell him that we went to get something to eat, because my mom wasn't home, and we had to wait longer than we thought."

"No, I think I'm just going to tell dad about the play, and that we were running lines. He may not like it, but I'm sick of hiding things from him. He'll either accept it, or ground me."

"Yeah, but if you get grounded, I'm back to solitary coffee dates."

"Oh, and I thought you were just worried about me getting into trouble."

"I am, actually. I don't want to lose you as a friend."

"Hey, we discussed this earlier. I'm not going anywhere. We stick together. Didn't you listen to the song," he chuckled as he nudged my shoulder.

He pulled into my driveway. I waved bye, but Thomas got out of the car.

"Hey, you might need to just go!"

"No, I need to come in there and apologize.  I need them to know I'm not some strange boy out to corrupt their son."

"If you really want to," I said as I brushed his arm with my hand. “But you really don't have to."

"I know," he said and smiled at me lightly. "But I'm your friend, I we stick together."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note:  Please read and review.  Thanks.  
> Stephanie


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> September 16- The events after Thomas brings Blaine home.

**Chapter 10-Numb**

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of its characters  or Linkin Park's Numb

**Wednesday, September 16, 2009**

**Nick Anderson –Anderson Residence**

 

I heard a car pull into the driveway, and Blaine scrambled out of the car. I went toward the door, but Pam grabbed my arm. 

"Nick, hang back. He's coming in, and his friend is with him." Don't scare him off. I'm sure they'll explain what happened," Pam said.

"I don't trust that boy, Pam. I mean, Blaine was fine before that boy came into his life."

"Nick, Blaine was not fine. Blaine was just really good at hiding it, that's all. I've known for awhile actually. You would've too, if you would've been around him more. He isn't suffering from illness or from confusion. Our son is gay, Nick. He's sure, and he doesn't need you to try to change him. Now, I'm proud of you for trying to spend more time with him. You can't push him, though, and you won't change him. He's too strong willed for that. Support him Nick. Listen to him, and be there for your son.

"Pam, I..." The door opened, and Blaine walked in with an older boy. He was thin, with dirty blonde hair. He extended a hand out to me. I shook it briefly, and then withdrew my hand.

"Hello, sir. My name is Thomas. First, I wanted to apologize for getting Blaine home so late. He came over for dinner, and I was helping him run lines. We lost track of time. I apologize for that, sir."

"Thanks for bringing him home, Thomas, and it is so nice to meet you." Pam said.

"What were you reading lines for, son?" I asked.

"Dad, I auditioned for the role of The Cowardly Lion in the school production of The Wizard of Oz, and I got it. Thomas was helping me rehearse my lines because I only have six weeks to learn them."

"So, the Wizard of Oz now. Son, I thought I asked you to try to lighten your load right now." I said. "Thomas, it was nice to meet you, but it's getting late and it's a school night."

"Sure, nice to meet you both. Good night, Blaine."

"Good night Thomas, Pam stated. “Have a lovely evening, and drive safely."

The boy moved hurriedly to the door. When his car pulled out of the driveway, I looked at Blaine. "Son, I was pretty sure I stated my feelings about this the other day."

"Yes, dad, you did, but I am pretty sure that you didn't give me a chance to state mine. Dad, I promise my grades won't slip, but I'd really love to do this. I auditioned for the glee club, and the director asked me to audition for the play. I got a standing ovation. Dad, I really want to do this."

"Blaine, it doesn't really look good. I mean, people at school already talk about you being gay, and now you are a wimpy cat in a musical? Are you trying to give them a reason to bully you? That kid, Terrance, he isn't helping matters either. I thought I told you I didn't want you seeing him.”

"Dad, it's late, and I think I'm just to turn in."

"You're grounded for a week. School, practice, and church only."

"Dad, I was home before curfew. I don't get it? What did I do to get grounded?"

"Nick, I think that may be a little drastic," said Pam.

"Pam, we'll talk about this later. I'd like to talk to Blaine privately. Why don't you go lie down, and I'll be in there in awhile."

"Goodnight Blaine. I'm proud of you,” she stated lightly.  I glared at her for a moment.  I didn’t like that she was encouraging this.  

"To answer your question, you ignored my conditions. I told you not to date that kid."

"Dad, we aren't dating. We're just friends." Blaine protested back.

"To hell you aren't!" I raised my voice. Our therapist would have something to say at that. I didn't care. "It's an extra week now for lying to me. He was staring at you like a lovesick puppy. He took you to school this morning. You eat lunch together every day. You guys have been spotted together several times."

"Are you spying on me, dad?"

"I don't have to? Blaine, I know a lot of people around here, and they aren't afraid to talk about spotting my son with an obviously feminine boy at See you Latte.

"So this is about you. You are afraid of what everybody will say if they see me in town with another boy. EVEN THOUGH I'VE TOLD YOU WE ARE NOT DATING! "Blaine's voice was shaking and near a yell.

"Son, you need to lower that voice THIS INSTANT. You will not talk to me that way. Do you like this kid? Don't you lie to me, son."

"What if I do? Dad, he's a great guy. He makes good grades. He's in a few extra-curricular activities. And he's been my friend when no one else would have anything to do with me. He was there for me after my audition, that you didn't even realize I had. Why don't you just admit that you are once again worried about what people will say? Well, I'm tired of trying to live up to your impossible expectations." He turned back around to face me. "Dad, about the car, keep it. I don't want it if I have to pretend to be something I'm not." Blaine turned around and walked toward the stairs. "Don't worry. Even though I have feelings for him, I would NEVER act on them because; one, He's already told me is not attracted to me that way. Two, I know I'm not ready to put myself out there again because rejection hurts. And three, I told you I wouldn't, and I keep my word, even though you just accused me of lying to you."

"Son, I'm done talking about this with you. It's late. I suggest you go to bed. We'll talk about…" Blaine stomped up the stairs.

SLAM!

I walked towards our bedroom. I shut our bedroom door behind me. "Pam, I swear that boy's temper…"

"Is like yours. You don't get angry much, but when you do, it's like a volcanic eruption. And I understand why he is angry.  Blaine is still searching, Nick. He's searching for acceptance, and he found it in his friend, Thomas.”

"His gay friend, Pam." I just can't help but think that he's encouraging all of this rebellion from Blaine."

"Dear, I don't think what Blaine is doing is rebellion. He was gay and stubborn before Thomas came along."

"Seeing that kid, and the way he looked at him, it it! I'm just not ," I stopped and placed my head in my hands.

"You aren't ready yet. By seeing it, it's harder to deny. You're scared."

I nodded at her. I loved this woman. She saw right through me. She read people very well. She had known about Blaine for awhile. She was just not comfortable telling me. That stung a little. Had I become that hard to talk to? Was I that inaccessible?

"Pam, I'm worried about how everybody else is going to treat him. Blaine is going to get teased and ridiculed. I don't want ever want to see him like he was last weekend. That tore me to pieces, Pam."

"Nick, our boy is changing. He has gained confidence. I'm not sure if it's from Thomas, the Glee Club, the play, or a combination of all three, but I love how confident and happy he finally is. Nick, I think you should go see his play. His voice is amazing.”

"I know! He sang to me last week, and it brought tears to my eyes. He is amazing, Pam! I know I had nothing to do with that. He is so much like you, and he's as talented and wonderful as he is in spite of me!" I was fighting back tears. I felt so much shame.

"Dear, don't say things like that. Blaine is like you in many ways. He is determined, stubborn, hard-working, and talented. No, you can't sing to save your life," She chuckled lightly, "But you have energy and a charm about you that people see instantly. Blaine has that too.”  She kissed me lightly on the cheek. "His differences from you are good for you. Your outer shell can be hard to crack, but you are a caring individual. I know you're proud of him, but you need to show him that. Tell him. He thrives off of that."

"You are amazing woman, did you know that!"

"Well, of course I do, honey," she chuckled. “Good night dear."

"Good night.” I turned off the lamp and snuggled close to her. Blaine was so much like her. She was right. He was like me too. He was stubborn. He was a good kid, and I needed to work harder to let him know I was proud of him.

I grabbed my phone, and pulled up my text messages.

 

**Dad to Blaine:** Good night son. Congratulations on the part. You will do great. I love you!

 

**Wednesday, September 16, 2009**

**Blaine Anderson –Anderson Residence**

 

I went to my room, and I immediately raised the window up.   I climbed down the tree into the back yard, as I had done in the past. I made way to the tree house. I just needed to get out of the house for a little while.

I realized my hands were shaking, a mix between the chilly breezes and the anger that was running through my head. I just wished that he got it. I wished that he actually tried to understand me. I really did try to make him proud, but honestly, I didn't know if that was going to happen. I was finally proud for myself, but he didn't want that. Why was I never good enough? Why did I always feel like I was letting him down?

I sat on the cold floor of the tree house. I wish I had my guitar. I fought the tears. I was sick of crying. I was tired of trying to please him. I loved my father, but I felt like his love was conditional, earned only when I accomplished one of his goals and not mine. Why did I bother? I pulled out my Ipod. I plugged in the headphones and turned the volume all the way up. I opened my mouth and sang the words that I felt so deeply in my heart.

 

_ I'm tired of being what you want me to be _

_ Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface _

_ I don't know what you're expecting of me _

_ Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes _

I was never going to be what he wanted. I probably could, but I'd be miserable. I'd being burying everything I was, like before, and I wasn't turning back down that road.

 

_ Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow _

_ Every step that I take is another mistake to you _

_ Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow _

 

I thought of what he said about my part in the play. He called it a wimpy cat! He didn't even know Thomas' name. He still didn't really want to connect with me. I just wish I didn't care so much about what he thought about me. It would be so much easier. It was tearing me apart that he wanted me to be something I wasn't. At what point did I stop letting him break me down.

Now!  From this point on, I was done trying to please my father.

 

_ I've become so numb, I can't feel you there _

_ Become so tired, so much more aware _

_ By becoming this all I want to do _

_ Is be more like me and be less like you _

 

_ Can't you see that you're smothering me? _

_ Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control _

_ 'Cause everything that you thought I would be _

_ Has fallen apart right in front of you _

 

I'm completely aware that I'm a disappointment to him; being gay, not interested in sports, interested in musicals and singing, small build and short. I know I'm the opposite of what he dreamed I'd be. I'd tried to tell him that I didn't want his dreams, and he pushed and pushed, convinced that I was just confused about what I wanted.

 

_ Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow _

_ Every step that I take is another mistake to you _

_ Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow _

_ And every second I waste is more than I can take! _

I didn't want to waste anymore time pretending to be something I wasn't. Wasn't part of courage doing something that scared you?  I realized that I was afraid of him hating me, giving up on me as a son. However, I also knew that I didn't want his dreams

 

_ I've become so numb, I can't feel you there _

_ Become so tired, so much more aware _

_ By becoming this all I want to do _

_ Is be more like me and be less like you _

 

Last week had been an epiphany. It had shown me what I really wanted, what it could be if I was willing to take a risk. I understood his point, that it might open me up to ridicule, to criticism, but I was beginning to understand that the criticisms of people that didn't like me didn't have to matter to me. Michael, Derek, Carl didn’t have to rule my life. Their issues with me were their issues, no longer mine. I refused to let their hate dictate my life anymore. Dad was harder. His criticisms would always cut me a little more than the others, but it wasn't going to hold me back any longer.

 

_ And I know I may end up failing too _

_ But I know you were just like me with someone disappointed in you _

 

_ I've become so numb, I can't feel you there _

_ Become so tired, so much more aware _

_ By becoming this all I want to do _

_ Is be more like me and be less like you _

 

I had made up my mind. I was done pleasing my father. I had felt a major load removed from my shoulders when I stopped letting others control me, but my father's grip had remained. Although I wanted to believe that he would come around, I had to be clear and firm about my dreams. I had to let him know that I wasn't going to give up on the things that meant the most to me, and that also meant Thomas.

**Blaine to Thomas:** Thomas, are you home yet!

**Thomas to Blaine:** Yeah, is everything ok? I'm so sorry.

**Blaine to Thomas:** No, dad and I had a big argument. Can you come over? I'm in the tree house in the back yard. You should be able to sneak in here if you don't park in front of the house.

**Thomas to Blaine:** I'll be there in 10 minutes.

**Thomas to Blaine:** Blaine, I'm sorry. I told you that we would stick together.

**Blaine to Thomas:** I'm not going to text anymore until you get here. Be safe. Thank you.

 

**Wednesday, September 16, 2009**

**Thomas –Anderson Residence**

I parked on the other side of the street and walked quietly to the back yard. 

"Thomas, is that you?” I heard Blaine whisper.

"Yeah, B. It's me.” I climbed inside, and immediately, his arms were around my neck.

"I'm never going to make him happy, T! I'm done trying. Why is it that the rest of my family is ok with who I am?"

"B! just hang in there. They are not your issues. They are his. You stay strong. Remember, that there are plenty of people that are proud of you. You are awesome, and you don't have to prove it. It's in everything that you are, Blaine. You are amazing.”  He looked up at me intensely with his honey-colored eyes.  It broke my heart to see him like that.  The next thing I knew, I leaned in and our lips connected. I knew I shouldn’t  have. Apparently, he didn’t mind, because his lips immediately started to move against mine.

My hands went to the back of his neck, pulling him closer. His arms snaked around my waist. Our lips glided against each other. I moved one hand to his cheek. What did this mean? I knew we didn't need to take this past a friendship. I also know that I didn't want to pull away.

He finally pulled away after a minute. "Thomas?" He looked at me, his eyes full of questions and confusion. 

"Blaine, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I mean, we're friends.”

"Do you mean it.  Do you really think I’m amazing." 

“Blaine, you are the most amazing man I’ve ever know.”  

He instantly leaned in, and I met his half way, our lips once again colliding, and I knew that I had lost the battle. I knew right then that I was head over heels for Blaine Anderson.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I absolutely love getting feedback from you guys.  


	11. Chapter 11- Fallin' for You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sept 16-17 After the kiss, a lot of people need to talk.

**Chapter 11- Falling for you**

Disclaimer: I do not own Falling for you by Colbie Caillat, Glee, or any of the characters.

 

**Wednesday, September 16, 2009**

**Blaine- Anderson Residence**

Ok, I'm not sure how all this happened. I was hysterical and upset. He was just so sweet and supportive. He called me amazing. He's the first boy that had ever said that about me. Then, he kissed me.  It was my first kiss, so I had nothing to gauge it by, but it was the most amazing feeling I had ever felt in my life.  But this was my best friend, and this was Ohio.  We had only known each other a few weeks, and I had made a promise to my father.  So many warnings were going off in my head.  I needed to pull back.  

I needed to, but I didn’t.  I genuinely didn’t think he was my type.  He was petite, not necessarily toned but not lanky either. His dirty blonde hair was never styled the same way two days in a row.  He was always wearing something bright and colorful that only he could pull off.    His light blue eyes sparkled when he was excited. I'd seen that several times today. He had a cute button like nose and thin, light pink lips, usually. Right now, though they seemed a little fuller, probably from kissing.

My head was screaming at me to stop.  My body though wasn’t hearing it. I knew we had to talk because I'm sure that neither of us really knew what just happened.   So I broke the kiss. "Thomas, although that was amazing, I think we need to stop."

His beautiful blue eyes locked on mine. " Was that your first kiss, Blaine?"

"Yes! Was it yours?"

"Yeah, and it was magical, but you need to get home. If your mom gets home and realizes you aren't home, she might ground you like I am."

"Grounded?  I’m sorry Blaine.  That was my fault.   Don't worry about my mom. She's at Rodger's. She called. They've been seeing each other for awhile."

"He grounded me for 2 weeks. Dad thought I was lying about us dating. He grounded me for talking back after I told him we weren't. "

"Harsh.  Blaine, does your father hate me?"

"Hate is a strong word,Thomas.   It's my sexuality. But dad thinks that the reason I'm gay is because someone planted the idea in my head.  He's not ready for me to date yet. He would be like that with any boy. Actually, my mother doesn't seem to mind. I've told her all about you.

"Your father suspects that I turned you gay?"

"Dad thinks gay is a choice.  I can’t believe that he thinks I would choose this.  He’s a very conservative man, religious even.  This is really hard for him.”

“It’s been hard for you too.  Does he get that?”

“Sometimes he tries, but then we fight, and all of his true feelings pop out.  I don’t know if he will ever be ok with who I am.”

My phone beeped. 1 new message.

**From Dad to Blaine:** "Good night son. Congratulations on the part. You will do great. I love you."

And then, the tears started falling.

"Blaine, what's wrong? Are you ok?"  Thomas threw his arms back around me and held me securely against his chest.

I showed him the text as tears streamed down my face. "He's proud of me. I really need to let you get home. You don't know what this has meant to me. Thank you.  Thomas, we need to talk tomorrow ok."

"Blaine, it's meant a lot to me too.  He placed a small kiss on my cheek.

I kissed his cheek as well. “Good night Thomas. Drive carefully. I'll miss you." His eyes locked with mine.

"Blaine, sweet dreams. Would it be weird if I asked you for one more kiss?" Thomas asked innocently.

 I placed my hand on his rosy cheek, and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. Thomas lips started to move against mine. He raised his hand, and placed it in my hair.

"MMMMmmmm," I moaned. Thomas ran his tongue along my bottom lip. Then, he gently sucked my bottom lip.  My lips parted, and I allowed his tongue the chance to explore my mouth. I began to caress my tongue against his. Thomas' hands moved around my waist, and he pushed me gently against the wall. I slid down the wall to the floor, with him following so that we never broke contact. We were sitting side by side, lips joined, tongues dancing, hands still embracing one another.

"Blaine, oh, I'm sorry."

"Mom."  

"Thomas, you need to go home now. Blaine, you need to go to your room right now. We will talk tomorrow.”  

Crap!  This wasn’t good.  The discussion with Thomas wasn’t the only talk I would have to have now.  I wasn’t looking forward to either of them.

 

**Wednesday, September 16, 2009**

**Pam Anderson- Anderson Residence**

So the looks that I saw between them tonight weren't my imagination.  Blaine didn't respond to Nick's text, so he asked if I would go check on him. He wasn't in his room, so instinct and just knowing myself told me exactly where he was. He always went to that tree house when he was upset. I heard the screams, and I knew exactly how Blaine would react. If Nick wanted to see rebellion, that's what he had asked for.

Telling Blaine that he couldn't do something he had a passion for became a motivation to prove that he could. He didn’t do it in a resentful way. He was a go getter. He didn't give on his dreams. I wasn't really sure if his dreams included Thomas or not. I didn't know if he liked Thomas, or if he was upset because his dad forbid him to have any kind of relationship with him.

Thomas, on the other hand, wanted something more from Blaine. I wasn't sure if it was love yet, but he was definitely attracted to Blaine.  I was a little worried that he might get his heart broken, although Blaine would never do it on purpose. He knew what it felt like, and He would never do it to anyone else.

Thomas pecked Blaine on the cheek with a quick kiss, and he waved at me. "I'm sorry he whispered, and he quickly darted out the door."

“Blaine, go to your room. I need to go back and tell your dad you are asleep in your room. That needs to be the truth.  I'll already be withholding enough information from him about tonight."

"You're not going to tell him?"  Blaine looked terrified.

"Not tonight, because it would upset him. Get to bed, and we'll talk tomorrow. Ok."

Blaine snuck in through the back door, and I went up the stairs and told Nick that Blaine was asleep. I told him I'd call Dr. Blevins tomorrow and see if he would work them in tomorrow for an appointment. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.

 

**Wednesday, September 16, 2009**

**Blaine Anderson- Anderson Residence**

I was so lucky that it was mom and not dad, but I knew there would be a talk tomorrow. Tomorrow. I didn't know how I felt about tomorrow. In a way, I didn't want tonight to end. I was curious as to how my dreams would play out tonight, or if I could even sleep after all that occurred in just the last 30 minutes.

I flipped through my Ipod, and found the song that described how I felt in the moment. I heard just heard in on the radio, but it had new meaning.

 

_I don't know_

_But I think I may be fallin' for you_

_Dropping so quickly_

_Maybe I should keep this to myself_

_Waiting 'til I know you better_

 

Ok, so it was too late to keep things to myself. I had really messed up.

 

_I am trying, not to tell you_

_But I want to,_

_I'm scared of what you'll say_

_And so I'm hiding what I'm feeling_

_But I'm tired of holding this inside my head_

 

I don't know if I'm hiding what I'm feeling, because I don't know what feelings are trying to tell me. The kisses were all amazing. Thomas was amazing, but I was afraid. I couldn't lose him as a friend. I didn't have a lot of those to spare. And I really didn't want to let dad down.

 

_I've been spending all my time_

_Just thinking about ya_

_I don't know what to do_

_I think I'm fallin' for you_

_I've been waiting all my life_

_And now I found ya_

_I don't know what to do_

_I think I'm fallin' for you_

_I'm fallin' for you_

 

I really didn't know what to do. I didn't want to hurt Thomas, but I didn't want to lose him as a friend. He meant too much to me.

 

_As I'm standing here_

_And you hold my hand_

_Pull me towards you_

_And we start to dance_

_All around us_

_I see nobody_

_Here in silence_

_It's just you and me_

 

Tonight had been amazing, from the movie cuddled on his bed watching Toy Story to the kisses we shared together in my tree house. The moments kept replaying over and over in my head like a classic movie, but where the happy ending was supposed to flash across the screen, the pictures I was seeing were laced with uncertainty.  

 

_I am trying not to tell you_

_But I want to_

_I'm scared of what you'll say_

_And so I'm hiding what I'm feeling_

_But I'm tired of holding this inside my head_

 

I wondered if he was just as afraid as I was. He kissed me first. He asked for another kiss, and he didn't hold back. He wanted something more than friendship. You don't just kiss a friend like that. We had crossed a line, and I feared that we couldn't go back.

 

_I've been spending all my time_

_Just thinking about ya_

_I don't know what to do_

_I think I'm fallin' for you_

_I've been waiting all my life_

_And now I found ya_

_I don't know what to do_

_I think I'm fallin' for you_

_I'm fallin' for you_

_Oh, I just can't take it_

_My heart is racing_

_Emotions keep spilling out_

 

I can't quit wondering what all of this meant. What would unfold tomorrow? Fear went through me. I couldn't lose him. He had taken a place in my heart.

 

_I've been spending all my time_

_Just thinking about ya_

_I don't know what to do_

_I think I'm fallin' for you_

_I've been waiting all my life_

_And now I found ya_

_I don't know what to do_

_I think I'm fallin' for you_

_I'm fallin' for you_

_I think I'm fallin' for you_

 

I did a horrible job hiding it. He knew.  Alright, Blaine. This was going to take courage. I had to tell him the truth tomorrow and hope for the best.

 

**Thursday, September 17, 2009**

**Pam Anderson-The Anderson Residence**

Nick had gone back to work this week. I told him that I'd try to get an appointment and text or call with the information if I was able. Nick left shortly before Blaine came downstairs..

"Blaine, let's stop for breakfast today. We could get a biscuit or something, but I think we need to talk."

"I know mom. I know," he sighed.

Blaine told me everything, even about them falling asleep during the movie, and the kisses that happened in the tree house.

"Son, how do you feel about Thoma?  You really need to know before anything else happens. He really cares about you."

"Mom, I care about him too. That's why I'm terrified, because I'm not sure that what I feel from him is what he feels for me."

"Blaine, Thomas has a severe crush, or he is in love with you. You don't look at someone that way and not have feelings attached. Do you love him, son?”

Blaine looked stunned.  "Mom, he loves me?  I think I'm falling for him, but I don’t know.  I’m really confused. I thought about him last night, and I dreamed about him. But I told dad we weren't dating, and I'm not sure if I'm ready for us to date, not at Central High. There's people that hate gay people, and I don't him to become a target. I also don't want anyone dictating who I do or don't care about either.  This is a mess, mom.   Why do I always screw things up?"

"Son, I'm going to schedule you an appointment with Dr. Blevins. I may have to pick you up early. And you don't always screw things up. You're an artist though, and you run more by feelings than thoughts.  It’s the romantic in you, but sometime practicality gets thrown out the window. I understand that, because you got it from me. You have to be fair to Thomas, though. Before you move any further, you need to decide what you want from this.  If it isn't a relationship, you need to be honest."

"It’s not that easy. I don't want to hurt him.  I don’t want to lose him either.  How do I know if I’m in love?"

"It hit me like a ton of bricks, the moment I knew I was in love with your father.  Believe it or not, he confessed that he loved me first.  I can understand why you are confused.  A good kiss could scramble anyone’s head.”

“Mom!”  His cheeks were bright red.  He dropped his head into his hands.

“Blaine, just talk to him.  Soon.”

 

**Thursday, September 17, 2009**

**Blaine Anderson-  Westerville Central High**

Thomas was at my locker when I arrived. We walked to class side by side.

"Did you sleep ok, Blaine?" Thomas asked sincerely.

"Not a bit?  And you?”

"Not really," Thomas giggled. "Can you joined me for lunch?"

"Don't I always," I chuckled.  We reached his class, and he smiled at me and ducked into class.

Class was pretty straightforward. I made it to lunch. I grabbed my tray. Jenny motioned me over to our table. Thomas smiled the cutest little smiled, and I caught myself blushing.

"Did you guys get coffee again yesterday?" asked Jenny.

"Yeah, we did, and then we watched Toy Story at Thomas' house. Then, I got grounded for talking back to my dad."

"Sounds like an interesting night."

Thomas' cheeks turned bright red, and I could feel mine growing red as well.

"Did I miss something,” Jenny eyed us suspiciously."

Did she ever.

"Boys, don't you both talk at once," she prodded jokingly.

"Yeah, you missed Toy Story with Us and Blaine's Buzz impressions," Thomas quipped.

"And you missed Thomas' Woody,” I replied without thinking.  I immediately caught what I had just said.  Thomas' cheeks flamed red and he spit out some of his coke.  "Wait, that came out wrong. I meant Thomas' Woody impression.  Ok, I'm going to shut up now," I said face palming. "I think I'm done eating." Jenny was laughing hysterically.

"Boys, you are a riot, I swear. I know what you meant. Come on, Blaine. I'll walk you to class. See you Thomas!"

"Bye Thomas."

"Coffee, tonight?” Thomas inquired.  "I’d love to talk to you.”

"I can't. I have an appointment this afternoon.  I'll make it to you. Can I call you after my appointment?" I said as I smiled at him.

"Of course. I can't wait. Bye Blaine!" He waved and smiled at me.

 

**Thursday, September 17, 2009**

**Jenny Robbins-  Westerville Central High**

"Ok, spill!. What happened between you two. There's obviously something because you two have some major sexual tension going on."

"Jenny, come on."

"Blaine, come on!"

"We fell asleep together!"

"What?"

“While we were watching Toy Story, we fell asleep in each other’s arms.  We were cuddled up on his bed, and we woke up in each other's arms. That's why I got grounded.”

“Oh, and that’s it.”

“Thomas me brought me home, and dad freaked out. Dad and I got into a big fight. I went to the tree house, and Thomas met me there. Oh, we might have kissed."

"WAIT, WHAT? Details now Anderson."

"Actually, this is my class."

"You aren't getting out of this conversation. Don't even think this is over."

Blaine ducked around me and ran into the classroom. This wasn't good.  I needed to talk to Thomas.

 

**Thursday, September 17, 2009**

**Nick- Thursday Afternoon Dr. Blevins' office**

"So Blaine, you described the argument to me, but now, you need to explain to your dad how that made you feel."

"Dad, what you don't understand is for the first time in a long time, I'm not hurting on the inside. I found a friend. Michael tore my heart out dad. He told everybody, dad. However, I'm ok with that now. I'm glad everybody knows, because what hurt the most is that I had to keep it hidden inside.  I don't feel that way anymore. I feel like I finally found myself. I was so afraid of letting everyone see who I really was, including you. I didn't want you to hate me."

"Blaine, I don't hate you. I just don't understand you, but I really am trying. I am concerned about you being in a play, because people may make fun of you for singing, dancing, and wearing makeup on the stage, Blaine. I don't want you to get ridiculed."

"Dad, remember, when you told me that running let you escape, and that it made you feel free. That's what performing does for me. It makes me feel alive inside. I don't care what anyone else says about me. That's one thing Thomas taught me, dad. He taught me to never apologize for who I am because people use it as fuel to cut me down. He has taught me to be courageous, and to show the haters that they aren’t going to change me. Dad, I really want to do this play. I'm good. I want you to see me. Please come. I know it's not your thing, but I…"

"I'll be there, son. I will clap and cheer for you. I'm proud that you found something that makes you happy."

Blaine walked up to me and engulfed me in the biggest hug he’s ever given me.

"Do you promise?  You’ll be there?  Thank you dad. That's all I ever wanted to hear from you.”

I nodded.  "Blaine, about Thomas. How do you feel about him?"

"Dad, I'm not sure, but I think I'm falling for him."

“Son, I just am not sure I'm ready for this, and neither are you. I love you, and I want you to be happy. But I am perfectly aware that there are people out there that are not going to like seeing you two together. I don't want you hurt."

"I know dad. I really care about him so much, but I don't want to put him at risk. For that reason, I don’t think I am going to pursue a relationship with him, dad. Not right now.  I can't promise that long term."

"Son, I understand. Please, just give me some time. This is nothing you should rush."

"I know. I'm scared to death."

"Well, gentlemen, I think we made good progress today. I like how you were both honest and open today. That is great progress. And Blaine, just talk to Thomas. Tell him the truth. Blaine, can you go to the lobby for a second." Dr. Blevins waited until the door closed behind Blaine.  “Nick, I'm proud of you. You are making progress, but I urge you to be careful. I feel Blaine may be the impulsive type. You ordering him not to do something could possibly yield the exact opposite effect. I suggest that you get to know Thomas. Do something with the two of them. Watch them. And let them know that you approve of their friendship. Let Blaine know that you accept him and his friend."

“Blaine admitted he has feeling for him. Won't that just push them together?" I asked.

"Not as much as trying to keep them apart. Doing that will just cause them to sneak around. You finally have an open line of communication. Don't blow it!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Next up, a very important conversation between two boys. Feel free to comment or ask any questions you may have.


	12. Chapter 12- Desert Places

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas tries to decide what he wants to do regarding a relationship with Blaine.

**Chapter 12: Desert PLaces**

Chapter 12- Desert Places

 

Disclaimer- I do not own Glee or any of the characters.

 

**Thursday, September 17, 2009**

**Jenny Robbins, Westerville Central High**

"Alright, Thomas. Spill it. Tell me what's been going on with you and Blaine.”  At the mention of his name, Thomas' cheeks turned pink. We walked to his car.

"Look, I don't really want to say anything, because I don't really know. Hey, do you need a ride home."

"Sure, but you have to tell me what happened. I know something happened. Look, Blaine told me that you guys kissed. Are you guys together?"

"We kissed, several times actually. Honestly, I don't know what we are."

"But you like him, don't you?"

"Yes, I do. A lot. But Jenny, I'm also scared to death. I realized I had feelings for him only yesterday. It hit me like a ton of bricks. He kissed me first, but I had been fighting the urge all day. He's such a flirty, touchy, feely guy. We went to my house, and he cuddled up right beside me. I laid my head on his shoulder, and we both fell asleep. We didn't mean too. Then, I rushed him home, and I went inside and apologized to his parents. His dad was pretty upset apparently."

"Then what happened?"

" I went home, but apparently he got into a huge argument with his dad.  I had only been home a few minutes when I got a text asking me to come over. He was hysterical, and I told him he was amazing, because Jenny, that's I how I feel. Then, I kissed him.   It lasted a minute or so, and then he pulled away. I apologized, but then he kissed me again.    I told that he didn't do anything wrong. Jenny, I don't know what love feels like, but I know that I haven't stopped thinking about him, or worrying about him, or wondering if he feels the same way."

"Oh my goodness, Thomas, you are in love with Blaine! Jenny squealed.

"I think I am, Jenny.  I don't really know what to do."

"So what happened next?"

"He got a text from his dad saying that he was proud of him. And he starting crying, and I couldn't help it. I asked him for another kiss. We ended up making out on the floor of his treehouse. His mom found us and told me to go home. Jenny, I couldn't sleep. I thought of him. I laid there, in the spot where he had slept, and I thought of him. I waited by his locker this morning, with the images of last night running through my head.   I know it sounds cliche’, but my heart skipped a beat when I saw him this morning. "

"So what are going to do, Thomas?"

"I need to talk to him, but I don't know what to say.  What makes it worse is that he’s grounded, so I won't get to talk to him face to face.  That might be a good thing because I can’t stop thinking about kissing him. I’m afraid that he only kissed me because he was upset."

"Thomas, I don't know. There's a difference between a sympathy kiss and a make-out session, which is what that last kiss sounded like. If it was as steamy as you described, I don't think it meant nothing to him. Blaine's a flirt, and he's impulsive, but I don't think he would've kissed you again when you asked if he didn't have some kind of feelings for you. Just call him, Thomas."

"You're right, Jenny. But I'm not sure I can yet."

 

**Thursday, September 17, 2009**

**Thomas Hendrix, Hendrix Residence**

I really didn't want to have the conversation on the phone. Our conversation should be private and face to face. Right now I was too terrified to risk it.

I wasn't sure how all of this had happened. When we met, I saw a broken, scared gay kid that had barely come to terms with himself. He went through that denial stage, and he was in that self-loathing phase when he approached that Tuesday afternoon.  I had thought to myself that he needed a friend, because I knew what it was like to feel alone, surrounded by a crowd of people. I thought back to the poem "Desert Places again, and I remember feeling like Robert

Frost's Desert Places was written just for me.

 

**Snow falling and night falling fast, oh, fast**

**In a field I looked into going past,**

**And the ground almost covered smooth in snow,**

**But a few weeds and stubble showing last.**

 

I had always interpreted this cold night scene to represent loneliness and emptiness, ignored, partially buried like the weeds trying to fight through but being no match for the quickly falling snow.

 

**The woods around it have it - it is theirs.**

**All animals are smothered in their lairs.**

**I am too absent-spirited to count;**

**The loneliness includes me unawares.**

 

Like the woods in the Spring, the high school is full of liveliness for most. For me, it was always winter here. Before Blaine came alone, I didn't even realize how isolated and alone I felt.

 

**And lonely as it is, that loneliness**

**Will be more lonely ere it will be less -**

**A blanker whiteness of benighted snow**

**With no expression, nothing to express.**

 

As time progressed, and the metaphorical snow fell thicker and thicker, continuing to smother me slowly, I realized that I had become part of the scenery here. No one bothered me, but no one needed me. I had grown used to no acknowledgment. It was a  cold abandonment. It was an incredibly lonely existence.

 

**They cannot scare me with their empty spaces**

**Between stars - on stars where no human race is.**

**I have it in me so much nearer home**

**To scare myself with my own desert places.**

 

At the time, I wasn't afraid of being alone because my own inner workings and imagination was so much scarier than anything anybody can do to me. Their slanderous words meant nothing to me. They weren't near as hateful and degrading as my own thoughts.

I had convinced myself that I didn't need anyone else, that they weren't worth my time or my effort.  I shielded myself so that nothing could penetrate the barrier I had around me, and I kept letting it get thicker and thicker.

However, Blaine had reached down and brushed the snow off of me, metaphorically speaking. I was being smothered by the coldness of those around me. He showed me warmth. He helped my heart thaw. He broke those barriers down, and I didn't want them to ever build up again. I didn't want to be alone anymore. Now that I had felt the warmth that radiated from Blaine's smile, his arms, his lips, I wanted to fight the cold for now on.

Originally, just his friendship was enough, but I had underestimated Blaine. I didn't think I would allow myself to fall for him, especially being that we were in high school in Ohio, surrounded by homophobic idiotic jerks. When I noticed him at the beginning of the year, he just seemed like the rest of the jocks, laughing and joking around, congratulating themselves for their menial accomplishments.

I started to notice that he wasn't as closed-minded as the others. He was kind to everyone. The girls flocked to him, but he never hurt any of them.  What really caught my attention was when he stuck by Jenny when the scandal broke. He ate with her at lunch every day. He remained her lab partner, even when it meant he got accused of being the father of her child. After watching him, I discovered that he was a closeted case. I thought he would remain there, because he just seemed to care a little too much what that jerk Michael thought.

Once he was outed, he came back to school, bent but not completely broken. I watched him from a distance that Monday, and he was stronger than I ever imagined he would be. The next day, he showed up with a brand new strength and attitude.

I did mean it when I said he wasn't my type because I really didn't have one. I never thought I'd even meet another gay guy that wasn't a severe closet case in Westerville. I had made up my mind that I would be single at least until I could get out of this small-minded place, and move to California or something.

The last thing I wanted was to fall for someone and then have others dictate what our relationship should or shouldn't be. Blaine had rebounded pretty quickly. But that was because he hadn't upset the balance too much. If we were a couple, that actually showed affection the way he deserved to receive, he would become a target. I didn't want that for him. He was special. He deserved more than I could ever give him, so much more than the people here could ever understand. He didn't belong here. He was liked a beautiful caged canary, whose beautiful song who lifts the spirits of all surrounding souls, but he himself is miserable without the soul mate he deserves. In that moment, I made up my mind. I couldn't let him be imprisoned, especially if he didn't feel the same.

 

**Thursday, September 17, 2009**

**Cooper Anderson- Phone Conversation**

"Coop, I really need your advice. I really think I'm over my head.

"Let me guess, It has to do with Thomas."

"Wait, how did you know?"

"Come on Blaine, you don't quit talking about him. I saw your face when I brought up his name at the airport. So you like him?"

"Uh yeah. But it's more complicated than that, Coop. We kissed last night. Dad thought I was dating Thomas, so we got into a huge fight over it. I was so upset that I called Thomas. He came over. He was trying to calm me down, so he said some really sweet things, and I just kissed him. The next thing I know, we were in a pretty heated make-out session when mom walked in on us. She didn't tell dad, but she expects me too. She thinks I need to talk to Thomas. And I agree."

I just listened. Besides, what would I say? I didn't know Blaine had it in him. "Blaine, what are you going to say to him? Are you dating?"

"I kind of told dad that I liked him, but that I wouldn't pursue a relationship with him. Dad isn't ready yet, and he doesn't think I am either, not for the relationship, but for the response from some of the guys at school. He said it's probably too soon, and he's genuinely worried that someone will make good on the threats they made towards me. You remember what some people were saying on Facebook."

I didn't want to think of that. There were numerous threats, mostly made by homophobic jocks that threatened to hang him, beat him, or humiliate him if he ever acted on the GAY. "Blaine, but what do you want? What does Thomas want."

"Cooper, I don't know. I get dad's point. I don't want someone to hurt Thomas just because I want a boyfriend. But I don't want that them to keep me from being in a relationship because they don't like it. They can't control me, and I won't allow them to."

"Well, then I guess it come down to one thing, doesn't it Mr. Cowardly Lion," I said with a smirk.

"Yeah, I know, big bro. Courage!"

"Call me if you need me. And hey, guess what. Danny Pino says hi!"

"What, are you serious. You got the part?"

"I got the part. I was gonna call you tonight, but I guess you beat me to it, little bro." I said. "Well, I'm gonna let you go, because you have a more important conversation to have."

He was right, and dad had a point. Blaine did too.  If he let those jerks dictate what he did or didn't do, they always would. In the end, it was Blaine's choice to make. However, I hoped that he was a little more careful than last time.

 

**Thursday, September 17, 2009**

**Nick Anderson- Anderson Residence.**

Dr. Blevins had told me to lighten up on Blaine, and get to know this Thomas kid, especially if he meant that much to Blaine.

"Hey, kiddo! Why don't you help me on the chevy. I'd like to talk to you for awhile."

"Ok dad.” He followed me to the garage.

"Blaine, I'm so sorry for the way I blew up at you yesterday. And I didn't treat Thomas very politely either."

"It's alright dad. I messed up, and I deserved to get in trouble. I shouldn't have yelled liked that."

"Blaine, thanks for being honest at therapy. And those are my real concerns. I want you to know that I'm not lying to you. I just don't want you to get hurt. Not everybody is as loving and sweet as you, kid."

"I know that dad. And I don't disagree with you."

"I agree with your mom. I was too harsh. You're still grounded for a week; practices, rehearsals, and church only, but I don't want to you away from Thomas. Invite him for dinner tonight if you want. I've already talked to your mother about it. I want to get to know him to. And then, he can hang out with you a little until 9:00, ok."

Blaine engulfed me with a hug. "Thanks dad. You really will like him. I'll call him right now, and then I'll help you with the car."

 

**Thursday, September 17, 2009**

**Blaine and Thomas-  (Texts)**

 

**Blaine to Thomas** : Hey, do you have a minute.

**Thomas to Blaine** : Um, sure. We haven't really had a chance to talk today, have we?

**Blaine to Thomas** : No, we haven't : ( But, how would you like to come over.

**Thomas to Blaine** : ) I thought you were grounded.

**Blaine to Thomas:** I am from going out, but he wants to meet you, and he wants to apologize to you.

**Thomas to Blaine:** I don't really think he has anything to apologize to me for. Maybe to you, but not me. Are you guys ok?

**Blaine to Thomas:** Yeah, he apologized. You didn't answer my question.

**Thomas to Blaine:** : Coming over? Do you want me to?

**Blaine to Thomas:** I did ask you to, didn't I?

**Thomas to Blaine:** : uh, yeah, duh.

**Thomas to Blaine:** : But we need to talk ok, before you leave tonight.

**Blaine to Thomas:** I need to ask.

**Blaine to Thomas:** Do you know anything about rebuilding classic cars?"

**Thomas to Blaine:** ?

**Blaine to Thomas:** Is that a no?

**Thomas to Blaine:** : I'm totally clueless, B : - (

**Blaine to Thomas:** Well, then should be either really fun or really dangerous.

**Blaine to Thomas:** So are you coming?

**Thomas to Blaine:** It’s either that, or attempting to eat mom's mystery casserole. : -)  And of course the company will be awesome.

**Thomas to Blaine:** See you in 10.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: No song this chapter, but I used the awesome "Desert Places." Actually I had never read it before I started reading this. I'm glad I came across this gem. I always thought Frost was amazing, but now I'm extremely impressed. I love it. I really enjoyed writing this chapter. Although I didn't answer some obvious questions yet. You'll have to wait until the next chapter. And as always, I hope I loved to hear what you guys think.

**Author's Note:**

> This full story is on Fanfiction.net. I'm doing some editing, and I don't want to upload it twice, so it will be on here in its entirety eventually if you want to read it now.


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